


Sometimes love isn't enough

by AnnaHawk



Series: Always time for coffee [8]
Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: A Lot of Food Talk, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dirty Talk, F/M, Frank Castle needs a hug, Heartbreak, Hurt Frank Castle, Oblivious Reader, Panic Attacks, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Romance, detailed description of injuries, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:13:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23157622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaHawk/pseuds/AnnaHawk
Summary: “You should go out with him,” Frank mentions calmly, drinking from his coffee cup and looking you straight in the eyes.You are struck dumb for a second, completely surprised at the non sequitur.“What?” you blink in confusion a few times.“Every time I come in, and he's here, you guys are flirtin’ like fuckin’ teenagers, and he always ends up askin' you out before he leaves. I don’ get why you always say no, he’s obviously into you and from what I've seen, so are you,” Frank explains and shrugs matter-of-factly. "And you got a lotta things in common."What he just said is true enough. Mark started asking you out even before you started sleeping with Frank. Every time he’s about to leave, he always asks you out. And you’ve said no every time. Not because you’re not attracted to him or anything, because you definitely are. Mark is a very good-looking man and one of the kindest people you have ever met. And you have flirted with him a lot over the two years that you’ve known each other. You just weren’t looking for a relationship at the time because you wanted to focus on your business and you didn’t want to lead him on. And then there’s Frank.
Relationships: Frank Castle/Original Female Character(s), Frank Castle/Reader, Frank Castle/You, Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Reader/Original Male Character
Series: Always time for coffee [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1366675
Comments: 45
Kudos: 102





	1. Perfect guy

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, this is the last part. Unless I write some drabbles afterwards but otherwise this will be the end of this series.
> 
> When I think about the fact that this all started just so I could write my own little personal fantasy about Frank. And here I am now, nearly one full year later. Frank is an amazing inspiration to me and I got attached to those two the more I wrote. And the more I wrote, the more feelings got involved and I couldn't stop. I needed to give them one last big ride and I so hope I'll do them and you guys, justice.  
> If you've read this series until here, I'm so, so incredibly greatful. I never expected this to go on for so long.  
> I wanted to give a special shout out to Bravesammy who reviewed each and every part and has helped me put some order into my thoughts! I hope you'll enjoy this one too!

After the last time you and Frank had parted ways, Frank had kept his promise of checking in with you whenever he could. His mission turned out to be more complicated than initially anticipated and the two _weeks_ he had told you about turned into two _months_. The only thing you’d found out further was that it’s about some kind of drug dealer ring on the outskirts of NYC. The mission is apparently slow coming but not dangerous from what Frank had said. You hadn’t been able to not add “Yet” in your mind.

Frank doesn't come in on any specific day of the week but he comes to the coffee house every week without fail and stays for at least an hour.

As time passes by and Frank stays on the down low with his missions, people start forgetting about The Punisher and Frank starts coming in without any real disguise, going as Pete Castiglione again. It’s a relief for you that he can finally be a bit more open around others but you still keep your public relationship a little more subdued. He’s just a friendly customer you like a lot because he’s always polite with your staff and very helpful, and _he_ likes coming in because he likes the coffee, the food and the good service. 

You still flirt and banter, because it’s just how you work together. It’s nothing too obvious and it isn’t anything you haven't done before when some other friendly customer showed some shared interest. 

So everything is good. The only downside being Frank hasn't had the time to come to your place since that last night. You’re a bit disappointed of course because you like having him around a lot. Sex or no sex. But you’re way too happy about him keeping his promise to be too bitter about it. 

Right now though, it’s a late Friday afternoon in mid April, the weather is slowly getting warmer and warmer, the sun shining brightly as the days get longer. Frank is sitting on his usual stool at the end of the front counter, the one furthest away from the tables. He used to sit at one of the tables, way before anything between you started, but he took to sitting at the counter so your conversations could be held while you work and you’re able to talk a bit more openly. 

He’s currently devouring one of Sandra's latest chocolate éclair creations and groaning in satisfaction with every bite he takes.

You’re standing in front of him, counter between you two, with an amused smirk lifting one side of your mouth. His love for all things chocolate was always fun to watch. The éclair is filled with thick dark chocolate cream which oozes over the sides and has Frank repeatedly licking his fingers. The thing is, Frank has a very specific way of licking off anything from his fingers. You'd noticed before obviously and enjoyed watching him do it, but it had mostly been at your apartment. It’s actually downright erotic with how he angles his head to get to the cream and swipes his tongue over his digits and palm. The expression of delight he takes on makes it even worse (better?) and by the looks of some of your female (and some male) customers, the act is largely appreciated. You can’t help the small chuckle that leaves you when you notice one of the women who had been watching intently while Frank ate completely oblivious to his audience, clear her throat and turn scarlet at Frank’s latest groan. When you turn your head to the registers, you see Rina and Michelle (two of your staff members) who had been taking care of other customers, turn their heads away simultaneously when you looked at them and resume what they had been doing. So it’s not only the customers then, you think amusedly and snort lightly. Looks like you’re not the only one who likes his hands. And his mouth obviously. 

Frank lifts his eyes from the hand which is still holding a small piece of the pastry and watches you questioningly, eyebrows rising. You smile impishly at him, leaning your elbows on the counter to get closer to him. 

“You do realise the way you eat things with your hands is obscene, right?” you ask lightly.

His eyebrows rise even more at that before they lower again and his lips quirk to one side slightly.

“Is it?” he wonders calmly and deliberately puts the last piece of pastry into his mouth and then proceeds to lick the streak of cream from his thumb in one broad pass of his tongue, going from wrist up to the pad.

You clamp your lips tightly together to stop yourself from laughing when you hear a gasp coming from one of the closest tables. Your eyes stay locked with Frank's, who watches you with a self satisfied grin. 

"Maybe I should eat another one" he muses and tips his head from side to side in mock consideration. 

This time you laugh, sharp and loud.

"You're such a jerk" you cackle happily.

Frank just shrugs, like he's aware of the fact and takes a big gulp from his coffee cup. 

“If you really want another one, Sandra is making fresh ones right now. I can go get you one if you want” you offer, smile still on your lips.

Frank only hesitates for a second before nodding. “Sure. And tell her they're amazin’, yeah?”

“Will do” you say as you take a tray of dirty dishes to the back with you. 

You push against the door to the kitchen with the tray and walk over to the big sinks to deposit the dishes inside. 

“Your éclairs are a hit” you congratulate Sandra as you turn to face her and watch as she's filling some of the last eclairs. “The display is already empty and I have Pete, you know, the one from construction, asking for another one”

“Yes! That’s great to hear!” she enthuses happily as she finishes the last one and deposits it on the tray with the other ones. 

You chuckle at her excitement. That’s one of the reasons you hired her in the first place. You had become good friends by the end of your culinary school, but her enthusiasm and need to always create something more had made you ask her to work with you as soon as you had found this place. 

“Be ready for more requests” you tell her as you take the tray and head back to the front. 

When you reach the counter, mindful of the girls preparing beverages around you, you put the tray of eclairs in front of where Frank is still sitting and notice someone sat down on the previously empty seat next to him. 

“Mark!” you exclaim when you realize who it is. “You’re early” you look down at your wristwatch. “Oh crap, no, I'm _late_! I'm so, sorry, I didn't check the time. Hold on, I'll prepare the bags. The cakes and all are ready, I just need to put everything together” you talk rapidly as you take an éclair from the tray and put it on Frank’s plate with a smile, the latter watching you in amusement. “Fuck you” you mouth to him as he smirks. Frank has seen this dance often enough over time.

“Hey, there’s no rush!” Mark says with a large smile and a calming voice.

You simply smile back and turn to Michelle who is just finishing up with a customer a few feet away from you. “Michelle, could you prepare a large latte for Mark and then put the eclairs in the display, please?” you ask her with a kind smile. 

“Yes, of course!” she springs into action, giving her attention to Mark. “Do you want any specific flavor in it?” you hear her enquire but don’t hear Mark’s answer when you enter the kitchen again. 

“I completely forgot about Mark” you grumble exasperatedly to Sandra who looks up from another preparation and watches you sprint around the kitchen, taking out cake and pie boxes labeled ‘Mark’ out of fridges and cupboards and putting them into large shopping bags. 

“Need a hand?” she asks but you just wave her concern away and move around the kitchen to where you put the coffee beans for Mark. 

Mark owns a large bistro just a few blocks from the coffee house and you both struck a deal two years ago when he opened. He had immediately fallen in love with your cakes and coffee and suggested buying some of your merchandise and selling it at his restaurant. He has an amazing chef but he isn’t too much into desserts so Mark gets some of your pies and cakes once or twice a week as well as some of your coffee beans you order for him once a month with your own. All in all, the deal is perfect because you get to sell desserts at a fair price to someone who genuinely likes what you and Sandra create and get free publicity out of it.

When you are finally done, you grab the three large bags and head back to the front once more. You push the door open with a shoulder, warning the girls of your entrance as you make your way back out and put the bags on the counter. 

Frank is done with his second éclair and is sipping at a new cup of coffee, watching the people around him, posture relaxed.

Mark redirects his attention from his conversation with another customer back to you and beams when he sees the three bags.

“Perfect!” he enthuses and you grin happily. “How much do I owe you?” 

You look at the bill you put into one of the bags.

“Two hundred” you hand him the receipt.

“You forgot the latte” he notes as he looks over the receipt.

You sigh. “Mark, you’re not paying for coffee here and you know it”

“Oh come on, why not?! Just because I buy you a bunch of stuff doesn't mean I get to have free coffee every time” he grouses in slight annoyance. 

“Yes it does” you counter sweetly and push the bags towards him. “Two hundred dollars and that’s it”

“Seriously-” Mark starts complaining again but is cut off by Frank’s amused voice.

“Save yerself the trouble, buddy, she’s more stubborn than you and me together. I don’ remember the last time I paid for mine”

Mark stares at Frank for a second in surprise and then frowns.

“You don’t get to pay either?” he wonders and at Frank’s amused “Nope” he looks back to you with raised eyebrows.

“Pete, you’re making me sound like I give free coffee to everyone!” you groan in frustration. “What he didn't tell you” you continue pointedly, facing Mark again, “is that he helped me out a lot and saved me from spending unnecessary money on reparation and maintenance”

This just earns you an eye roll from Frank and a thoughtful nod from Mark. “So you can both save it and just drink up”

“We could always stop drinking your coffee” Mark challenges but you just smirk and rest your elbows on the counter, leaning into his personal space so that your faces are just a few inches apart.

“I'd love to see you try. You like my coffee way too much for that” you mock whisper into the small space. "Both of you" you continue in at normal volume, eyeing both men smugly to which they both nod, conceding the point.

Frank faces Mark then and gives you a quick side eye before it’s his turn to lift a corner of his lips in a smug smirk. 

“Gonna tell you a secret,” he leans slightly towards Mark who watches him with interest, both men bonding over your refusal to let them pay. “I always give a larger tip” he indicates the big tipping jar that's sitting not so far from them with a hand “It pisses her off like nothin’ else but she don't touch the money that goes in”

“Shit, why haven't I ever thought of that myself?” Mark laughs while you splutter indignantly at being betrayed so openly. He gives you a victorious grin when he takes two hundred dollar bills out of his wallet, hands them to you and then puts a twenty into the tipping jar.

“I hate you” you pucker your lips sulkily, pointing at Frank and then reaching over the counter to jab your index finger into his chest for good measure. 

Frank, ever the asshole that he is, snorts in amusement while Mark does the same next to him.

“Both of you” you huff and roll your eyes, waiting for them to stop laughing.

“Thanks for the tip, man” Mark says and then promptly snorts at his unintentional pun before he extends a hand toward Frank. “Mark Stainton”

“Pete Castiglione” Frank replies easily and shakes Mark’s hand with a small smile.

That’s when Mark’s phone starts ringing from somewhere in his jacket. He takes it out and groans at the caller ID. 

“Sorry, gotta take this… one of my suppliers” he explains and stands from his stool to walk away a few paces.

You and Frank watch him for a second before Frank breaks the silence.

“You should go out with him” Frank mentions calmly, drinking from his coffee cup and looks you straight in the eyes.

You are strunk dumb for a second, completely surprised at the non siquiture.

“What?” you blink in confusion a few times.

“Every time I come in and he's here, you guys are flirtin’ like fuckin’ teenagers and he always ends up askin' you out before he leaves. I don’ get why you always say no, he’s obviously into you and from what I've seen, so are you” Frank explains and shrugs matter of factly. "And you got a lotta things in commun"

What he just said is true enough. Mark started asking you out even before you started sleeping with Frank. Every time he’s about to leave, he always asks you out. And you’ve said no every time. Not because you’re not attracted to him or anything, because you definitely are. Mark is a very good looking man and one of the kindest people you have ever met. And you _have_ flirted with him a lot over the two years you’ve known each other. You just weren’t looking for a relationship at the time because you wanted to focus on your business and you didn’t want to lead him on. And then there’s Frank, although that's not a relationship but more a friends with benefits thing. So every time you've said no, Mark has always accepted your refusal with a smile and a nod and then just left. You look over to where Mark is still talking on the phone and then back to Frank, who still watches you with a neutral expression. You stare at each other for a few seconds before you smile and lower your head. You know what Frank is doing. He still wants you to find someone _good enough_ for you and who would be better than someone who is in the same line of work as you. And you did kind of promise him to keep looking. Maybe not in so many words, but you telling Frank that you didn’t expect a relationship from him, implied you would have to find someone else at some point. 

You just think it’s weird that Frank would push you into going on a date with someone he doesn't even know. He’s so overprotective with you that the guy would have to be just short of perfect for you in his eyes. 

Unless...

You lift your head again sharply and squint at Frank in suspicion. 

“Oh my God, you did a background check on him, didn't you” it’s not even a question because now you think about it, it’s pretty obvious he did. And he doesn’t even deny it. Frank just shrugs and answers calmly.

“‘course I did” he simply states and you have to grin at your protector.

“So? What did you find out? Where did he grow up? Was he a little delinquent when he was younger and got back on track later” you question in jest and lean conspiratorially forward. 

“Ask him yourself on that date” Frank answers and finally drains his second coffee. 

“You’re no fun” you say with a mock pout and look to Mark again, considering him. 

You do like him a lot, that’s for sure. He’s good looking, smart and very funny _and_ he shares a lot of your passions. 

“Fine” you finally say. And where’s the harm? You want to humour Frank but why not give it an actual try? You know it would reassure Frank to know you're with someone more 'stable' and you know you would enjoy spending more time with Mark. He’s definitely worth the try and maybe it could lead to something. And if not, you could always remain friends. 

“Good” he simply says, nodding slightly to himself.

“Sorry about that” comes Mark’s voice from behind Frank and you both look up to him. “I gotta go. I'm getting a delivery in half an hour and I need to be there” he explains quickly as he grabs the bags. He then looks at you for a second, like he’s considering something then glances quickly at Frank before he looks back at you and speaks. “So, er, do you-”

“Pick me up here on Friday around 7. You choose where we go” you steamroll over him with a grin and Frank snorts lightly but politely looks away.

Mark blinks rapidly a few times before his face breaks out into a brilliant smile. And wow, okay, he’s even more handsome. You've seen him laugh and smile a lot but that was nothing compared to the megawatt smile you are getting right now. This man is adorable.

“Yeah, okay, yeah, great! See you on friday” he says, the smile not lessening for a second. He then turns towards Frank, giving him a friendly nod. “Nice meeting you, Pete”

“Likewise” Frank agrees and lifts his empty coffee cup in salute. 

Mark gives you a last soft smile and a general goodbye to everyone else and then he’s gone. 

“Poor guy, he don't know what he just got himself into. You already got him wrapped ‘round your finger” Frank chuckles and shakes his head.

You don’t know if you’re supposed to be flattered or insulted so you just level Frank with a flat look.

“I’ll be sure to tell him it was your idea if things go bad then” you tell him sweetly.

Frank snorts, nods his head slightly and then stands.

“Gotta run too, Sweetheart” he takes out his wallet and you childishly grab the tipping jar and pull it against yourself, glaring at Frank. But Frank just looks at you with his eyebrows lifted, waiting for you to put it down again. 

You finally sigh in exasperation and put it back down on the counter, crossing your arms and making a moue of displeasure. Frank smirks in victory and fishes a dollar bill out of his wallet. You gasp when you notice the amount the bill represents and are too late to grab the fifty dollars before he puts them into the jar. 

"Fr-Pete" you hiss, frustration nearly making you slip up on the name, something you are usually really good at not doing. 

But Frank just grins smugly and then calls out a brief farewell to the girls who whish him a nice afternoon in return.

“You’re gonna pay for this” you call out in warning. 

“Think I jus’ did” he replies playfully as he opens the front door and winks before leaving for good.

Only the fact that you’re surrounded by customers keeps you from flipping him off even though he isn’t there anymore. 

  
  


~

  
  


Three days later you are sitting in a pretty little Italian restaurant with Mark in front of you. 

As convened, you had met at the coffee house after you had gone home for the day to get ready for the date and then had come back to wait for him there. You had put an extra effort into your attire and went for a form fitting dress and by the way Mark had looked you over with awe and appreciation, you had done well. It had been very flattering and you had smiled fondly at him when he put a hand to the center of your back to guide you into the desired direction. 

You don’t remember the last time you'd had such a good time with another man. In the two years you had worked with each other, you hadn’t really had the time to get to know each other more than that. 

The conversation had been flowing easily, never getting awkward and the only time you were silent had been when the food had arrived. 

This way you had learned that Mark was born in the UK and moved to the US when he was six years old, after his father decided he wanted to try his luck as a chef in New York. It had apparently worked out pretty well and this is how Mark got his love for food and desire to own a bistro. His teen years had been kind of normal with him being pretty good in school and all but he’d been a bit of a geek and been bullied for a while before he had taken up martial arts training so he could stand up for himself. His bullies had quickly learned to leave him alone after that. He keeps up with his training even now because it calms him and centers him. 

He had then admitted that he had never been good enough at cooking, to his father's and his own embarrassment, but wanted to stay in the same line of work as his family. So he had gotten a degree in management and marketing and opened his own business afterwards. He might not be a good cook, but he knows what tastes good.

And this is what you are actually doing right now, you are analyzing the food in front of you and comparing it to other good Italian restaurants you've been to. It’s all done in fun and good spirit and the food is actually really good. Mark went with a typical osso bucco and you for a focaccia with roasted vegetables and amazing olive oil drizzled over it.

When you’re done with the main course, Mark tells you he has to make an urgent phone call to the restaurant. 

“I’m really sorry and I usually leave my job at the restaurant when I’m out with someone, but we’re two waiters short tonight and I just want to make sure everything’s fine” embarrassment is coloring his voice as he stands.

“Mark, you don’t have to apologize! It’s great you care about your staff so much. And I’m not going anywhere, okay?” you try to sooth him sincerely, shooing him away from the table to make his call with a smile and a wink.

You’re watching Mark walk outside when you hear your phone vibrating in the small purse you took with you tonight. You fish it out to see what it is about and grin when you see you received a text from Frank.

**Pete:** how’s dinner going?

**User:** my,my, are you so worried about it going wrong that you’re taking time off your mission?

**Pete:** no mission tonight. Spending some time with Curtis and the VA. And you didn’t answer the question

You laugh lightly at the last part. Overprotective much?

**User:** Mark’s great! But I can tell you all about it over coffee if you wanna come to mine later

**Pete:** Don’t wanna be interrupting anything

Did Frank really just imply what you're thinking he is? Is he really that desperate for you to find someone? You roll your eyes and laugh under your breath.

**User:** I DON’T put out on the first date just FYI! 

**User:** Just come have coffee alright? It’s been a while. I’ll be home before midnight I think.

**Pete:** You’re one bossy Cinderella! Alright, see you later

This time you snort inelegantly, you _did_ hand him this one way too easily.

“What’s got you laughing like that?” comes Mark’s friendly warm voice from where he’s sitting back in front of you. You jerk slightly, not having noticed him coming back.

“Just a very good _and_ overprotective friend of mine who wants to know how the date is going” you explain and give Mark a large smile. “And if you wanna know, I said you’re doing great”

That earns you a proud and happy smile from Mark, his teeth showing and eyes twinkling merrily. 

“Good” he says simply but fervently. 

You look at each other for a few seconds, smiling like two idiots, before Mark clears his throat and you start talking again.

"So, how's it going over there?" you enquire.

"Apparently they've got everything under control" you can see the relief in his more relaxed posture and you nod in understanding, glad to hear all is good.

Mark then looks around himself and waves a waiter over when he spots one.

“I heard they have amazing Tiramsù. Wanna find out if yours is better… or not?” he challenges in a teasing whisper, leaning slightly toward you while the waiter approaches.

You gasp in mock outrage at him implying your Tiramisù isn’t the best there is. It’s one of the old school dessert recipes you love doing a lot. You don’t sell it in your shop but you had once told Mark about having an amazing recipe you got from an Italian guy you had dated during culinary school and as Mark had always loved this particular dessert the most, he had once asked you to make some for him. He had told you it was some of the best he had ever tasted and asked you to make some for his bistro from time to time. 

"You are so on!?” you say with passion, narrowing your eyes, accepting the challenge just as the waiter arrives.

“Two Tiramisù, please… and two coffees?” he addresses the last part to you and you nod. Why not try out the coffee too while you’re at it. 

“Of course” the waiter nods courteously, smiling politly and walks away to get the order.

“If you prefer their Tiramisù, we are done” you warn him with a false stern look and Mark barks out a short laugh at the threat.

“Do you feel threatened?” he teases with a grin. 

"Of course not" you fake a haughty huff and roll your eyes to which Mark chuckles and you smirk in amusement.

You banter back and forth until the waiter arrives with the dessert and coffee.

The tiramisù is presented in cute Mason jars, showcasing the different layers of the preparation and has a small ribbon striped with the Italian flag around the rim with a little card attached to it with 'Tiramisù' written on it in cursive letters. 

When you look up at Mark, he is watching you expectantly, waiting for you to take the first bite. You chucked in amusement and reach for the spoon the dessert came with. You dunk it into the cream, immediately noticing the texture is perfect and you take a sniff of the content on the spoon. You always smell whatever you are eating or drinking before actually tasting it so you can get the first notes and impressions. It smells heavenly, the light scent of marsala wine and coffee hitting your nose. You look up at Mark again and put the spoon in your mouth. You would have laughed at his expression, like the suspense is killing him, if what is currently happening in your mouth didn't take all your attention. You groan in pleasure and hang your head.

"Well shit, okay, I definitely have some severe competition here" you say after swallowing, emotions halfway between being absolutely delighted at the taste and peeved at tasting such a good Tiramisù sold not that far from your Café. Good thing you don't sell your own, because this stuff is amazing.

Mark's eyebrows raise at your praise and he eyes his own Mason jar with interest. He takes a spoonful of it and hums in pleasure as well, nodding enthusiastically in agreement. 

"I guess this is it then. I was happy to meet you" he says with a teasing grin.

You burst out laughing, another spoonful halfway to your mouth and have to put it down because your hand is shaking from your laughter. 

Mark just grins gleefully and keeps devouring his dessert. 

The coffee is very good too but you can’t compare the small espresso they serve to the multitude of coffee variations you sell of course.

You spend the rest of dinner talking about what differences there are between your Tiramisù and theirs and what kind of ingredients they might be using and then you resume talking about your mutual childhoods and about previous relationships. 

Apparently Mark had been married for nearly ten years. He had met his ex wife in college and gotten married when they both finished their studies. At first it had been amazing and she had loved everything about the idea of opening a restaurant. But as they finally started making real plans for it and she noticed how time consuming it was and how much work they had to put into it, she decided it was too much and didn’t want to be part of it anymore. Mark had accepted it and took care of the whole thing himself. It had worked for a few years but in the end, their fights had come to be the only thing they still did together and they slowly drifted apart. It had come as no surprise when she told him she wanted a divorce a few years ago. He didn’t resent her, they both wanted different things out of life. He had truly loved her but they had married too fast and like for many couples that did the same thing, it didn’t last. 

You listen intently to everything he tells you and are happy to find out so much about him. 

“So, no children then?” you ask when he finishes telling you about his ex wife.

“Nope. And I’m actually glad. We did try for a while but the moment was never really right and seeing how it turned out, I wouldn’t have wanted a kid to have to deal with all the shit a divorce comes with, you know” he explains earnestly and you nod in agreement. 

When he asks for the bill, you fight a bit about who is supposed to pay. 

“I’m the one who invited you”

“Actually, I’m the one who initiated the date” you counter with a smirk.

“Doesn’t count, I was still going to do it” he shoots back.

“Still I-” you want to keep arguing but he huffs out your name on a laugh and talks over you.

“Please, just let me pay, alright?” 

You purse your lips but then smile.

“Fine, but only if I get to pay next time” you agree and Mark’s face splits into an easy grin. 

“Next time” he repeats happily.

Once outside, you turn in the direction of your apartment, Mark offering to walk you back. The restaurant is just about ten blocks away from your building and Mark lives a few subway stations away. 

You breathe in the cool spring air and put the light coat you brought with you earlier, on. You walk in comfortable silence for the most part and you link an arm through one of his after a small while. Mark only turns his head to you, then down at your linked arms and smiles warmly. You emulate his smile and just keep going until you are finally standing in front of your building. 

“I had a great time” you tell him as you step away but still standing close. 

“Yeah, me too” he agrees and looks down at his hands before meeting your eyes again. 

You know what’s going to happen and you smile endearingly at him, waiting him out. 

You know you’ve kind of pushed things into motion for today instead of letting him ask you out again and your independent nature and your strong opinions make you argue a lot. This can keep some men at bay, not that you care, they either take you for who you really are or not at all, but right now, you want to give Mark the opportunity to do what he really wants to do. What he had planned. 

“I really wanna kiss you right now” he confesses and you laugh in surprise. This guy is so honest with how he feels, it’s so far from what you’re usually used to. You can't help thinking of Frank in that moment and are amazed at how easily Mark does it.

“What’s stopping you then?” you nearly whisper, lips tilted slightly up.

Mark laughs under his breath and nods in assent before he steps into your space and places a large hand behind your neck to tilt your face to his and brush his lips against yours. It’s tentative at first, just a soft slide of lips against lips but then Mark seems to gain more confidence and presses closer, deepening the kiss by sealing your lips together firmly. You hum pleasurably as his lips start moving again, his tongue swiping quickly against your lower lip before you open up for him and he delves it inside. Mark is an incredible kisser, that much is clear. You wrap your arms around his neck as his circle your waist, enjoying how he takes his time exploring all the ways he can make you react to his kisses. He groans when you take the liberty of biting his lower lip and tug on it slightly. You chuckle breathlessly against his open mouth and he retaliates by pushing forward even more and grabbing your hair as he slips his tongue back inside your mouth. Your laughter stops immediately and you moan from your hair being pulled. 

When you finally break apart and Mark takes a small step back, you are both breathing heavily. Mark clears his throat and you both laugh lightly as you grin at each other. 

“Well” he clears his throat again, “ that was… yeah… that was...wow”

You hum and nod in agreement as you keep smiling.

“I guess I’ll see you on Monday at the Café?” he asks and you nod enthusiastically. Mark is getting his next dessert delivery from you on Monday.

“Yeah, sure! Of course”

“Okay, good” and he swoops in one more time to kiss you lingeringly before he steps away further and waits for you to walk up to the main doors of your building and punch in your code.

You turn towards him as you close the heavy glass doors again and wave quickly. He waves shortly as well and smiles, then walks off.

Inside the lift, you lean against one of the walls and look at yourself in the facing mirror. You have to chuckle at your reddened lips and the state of your hair at the back of your neck as you angle your head from side to side to have a look. The evening had been a success. You had expected to have fun with Mark, but not _that_ much and the kiss had been amazing. Mark really is an amazing person himself. Frank hadn’t been wrong about you two getting along. 

And speaking of Frank, when you're back in your apartment, you simply take off your coat and hang it on its rack, then walk into your kitchen to wash your hands and take out the coffee beans and two mugs. You’ve barely put the beans into the coffee grinder, when there’s a knock at your door. You look at the time and see it’s nearly 11.30.

You walk back to the door and still look through the peephole just to make sure, Frank’s constant reminder of being watchful ingrained in you. You open when you recognize Frank’s profile, the man looking down your corridor. 

“Hey” you greet him with a huge smile the second the door is open. Frank has just the time to turn his face back to you before he seems to freeze as he stares at you. 

“What?” you ask confused and take a step to the side to invite him in. He enters your loft but remains quiet as he keeps watching you while you close the door behind him. 

“Frank?” you enquire again, but this time he grabs one of your wrists gently and tugs your arm away from your body delicately and gives you a long and slow once over, starting from your face and ending at your feet. 

“Well shit, Sweetheart! Look at you! You go all out when you go on a date, huh? You look _fuckin’_ amazin’ That Mark guy is one lucky bastard” Frank finally rasps fervently as he still drinks you in. 

Your eyes widen at his admission and praise and you clamp your lips together before you start smiling softly and then bite your lip. Your outfit does apparently a lot to compliment your body. You usually take care of yourself in general and you always wear clothes that suit your body type, being a business owner, you have to also be presentable on the outside. But when you go on dates and dress to impress, you put just that little bit more effort into it. In all the time you’ve known Frank, he has never seen you dress up like this and you’re extremely pleased by his reaction. 

“Already regretting you set me up then?” you joke lightly and kiss him softly on one cheek in thanks.

And just like that, the mood suddenly changes. Frank lets go of your wrist and his expression shutters.

“No” he says as he walks into your kitchen and there’s a hint of harshness in the one word.

The emotional whiplash has you bewildered for a few long seconds as you stand there in the lobby and watch the tenseness in his shoulders with raised eyebrows. You frown and finally follow him, making your way over to the grinder next to which he is standing.

“Frank?” you start slowly and you see him look at you out of the corner of his eyes. “You know I was kidding, right?” 

Frank clears his throat and nods a few times.

“Yeah, sorry… jus’... weird evenin’” he explains and his tone is low and apologetic. 

“Oh, sorry… I guess when you’re at a VA things can get a little heavy and... listen if you prefer going home-”

“’m good, Sweetheart” he stops you, putting a warm and calloused hand over yours and kisses your temple tenderly, making you sigh in relief and close your eyes for a second. “Tell me about your night?” he requests lowly.

So while you prepare the coffee, you start telling Frank about your evening with Mark. He nods along and you ask him if he knew this or that information. He confirms he already knew about Mark’s failed marriage as you sit down on your couch with two coffee cups. 

“The documents said it was an amicable break up” Frank confirms from where he is leaning forward with his elbows resting on his thighs, arms pointing outwards with his hands around his mug. You are leaning with one shoulder against the couch cushions, body angled towards him and stare at the back of his head for a second.

“I can’t believe you actually went through every file in existence about him” you laugh, still stunned at his overprotectiveness. 

Frank shrugs just like last time, like it’s a given and he would do it again. You lean against the couch fully this time and utter a little snort.

“Yeah, so otherwise everything was great. I didn't even see the time go by, I had that much fun. I actually came home only about five minutes before you knocked” you inform him.

“Yeah, I know”

And only the way he freezes and how his back goes rigid after he says this, tells you he didn't mean to actually let you know.

You watch him with narrowed eyes as a smirk slowly creeps up your lips.

“Frank…? Have you been watching over me until I went inside?”

No answer so you keep pushing. “Did you hide on the opposite building, waiting until we showed up so you knew when I actually got home?”

And yet again, no answer and no eye contact, only Frank looking straight at his coffee. This is all answer enough for you.

“Then I guess I don’t need to tell you what happened at the end, right?” you say lightly as you really try not to laugh at how over the top he can act sometimes. But you don’t succeed fully as you finally start giggling and Frank eventually turns towards you again to shoot you an unimpressed look. That only makes you laugh for real and you lean into his side as your body shakes in mirth. 

Frank ends up grabbing you around your shoulders and hugs you tightly against his chest, letting himself fall back against the cushions when your laughter doesn't subside. “Shut up” he rumbles against the top of your head but you can hear the amusement in his voice now and you throw an arm around his middle to rest against him more comfortably, letting your laughter slowly die down until you’re only smiling faintly. 

“My faithful protector” you speak softly and kiss him tenderly on the nearest part of his body available to you, which is his shirt covered clavicle. 

Frank just grunts and tugs you in closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I specifically didn't describe some things like Reader's dress or Mark himself because I want you all to be able to picture them like YOU want them to look like. But I guess that's obvious hahaha
> 
> As for Frank's way of eating, I've see a few gifs on Tumblr like down here and I wanted to include this, because DAMN, getting his hands, fingers AND mouth in one go is one delicious combination. I mean look at him...
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr](https://anna-hawk.tumblr.com/)


	2. Not perfect enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting the rest of what I've already written now before I second guess myself and because it's 3am and I couldn't sleep...so please forgive any mistakes, they're all mine and my tired brain.

Two weeks go by after this and you and Mark have only been able to have coffee together a few times at the end of your day, learning more about each other and enjoying those small moments.

It’s only at the end of the second week that you are finally able to do more than this.

You go out for brunch in upper Manhattan, where you get to pay as promised and spontaneously go to see a movie together because you found out a movie you both wanted to see is airing today. You then spend some time walking around that part of town as the weather is beautiful and you discuss what you liked and disliked about the movie. Mark takes hold of your hand at some point to stop you from walking into some jogger but doesn’t let go. You don’t complain at all. 

All in all, the day has been a lot of fun and very relaxing. 

You then take the subway back to your Café because you have to take care of some business with your different retailers and put out orders and such. Mark offered to come with you to get a last coffee and prolong the date for a bit before going back to his restaurant and look over that evening’s reservations. 

You go in through the backdoor and Mark follows you to your office, which is just next to the locker room, and promptly takes your face in his hands to kiss you soundly. You make a sound of surprise but then wrap your arms around his middle and kiss him back fervently. He kisses you deeply and thoroughly and you soon moan into it, bunching the material of his shirt in your fists on his back.

"I wanted to do this all day… and more" he confesses in a lower voice when the kiss comes to an end. "But I don't think it would have been appropriate in public and doing anything here might not be too sanitary-"

"And anyone could walk in on you" comes a voice from behind you, making you both jump and look to your office door.

Sandra is leaning against the door jam, an amused smirk on her lips as she watches you. 

Mark looks back at you and you both laugh silently as you disentangle yourselves from each other. 

"Why don't you head out to the front and get started on your coffee, I'll be there in a minute" you suggest and kiss him lightly on the lips. If Sandra came in when she knew Mark is with you, then it means she needs to talk to you about something important.

Mark nods briefly and walks out of your office, grinning at Sandra as he passes her and she winks back at him.

"Davis called, said he's cancelling for tomorrow and will be here next Friday" Sandra informs you when you're alone. Her annoyed tone tells you all you need to know about how that conversation went and you groan, anger already covering your previous good mood.

"That's so typical of him" you grouse angrily as you two walk into the kitchen. 

"You really need to find a better coffee retailer… this asshole is seriously starting to piss me off. I don't know how you can stand to deal with him every time" she mutters darkly. 

Sandra is a very chill person but she has quite a mouth on her and is definitely not a pushover. So when someone like Davis, misogynistic asshole extraordinaire, starts getting on her nerves, she tends to start running that mouth and tell them her mind. Except for the fact that the Café belongs to you, this is also why you're the only one dealing with the retailers. She has held back until now because she knows you need him to keep your quality coffees but today had been a near miss seeing as how livid she looks. 

"I know, I know… you know I've been looking for ever but he really has the best for now" you sigh morosely. "I guess he didn't explain why he needs to reschedule at the last minute, but did he at least tell you at what time he'd be here?" 

"Of course he didn't and yeah, he said around six" she answers with a shrug because she knows it means more like seven. So you would be done around the time you close, like always. He never comes in early and seems to keep you as last customers of the day every time.

"Great" you huff bitterly. "Of course when I already made plans with Mark" 

You know Mark will be willing to wait for you but you had planned on going to another hyped over restaurant near the village next Friday. Hopefully they could hold the reservation for a bit later if things took longer. 

She purses her lips, showing her irritation at Davis being a giant pain in your asses for no good reason.

You sigh and you look at each other with eyebrows raised in resignation.

"I'm just sending Mark off and then I'm going back to work in the office" you tell her and she nods as she heads back to working on her pastries. 

When you walk through the door, the shop is in full swing with four of your staff taking orders at the counter and at the tables. 

"Hey boss!" Andrew, one of the three guys you employ and the artist who drew and wrote everything on the black board, greets you with his usual enthusiasm as he quickly assembles drinks and sweet delicacies on trays to bring to the tables. The customers love him for his constant cheerful mood and easy smile. 

"Hi" you greet him back with a big smile. 

When Andrew is gone from your side, you finally notice Mark sitting at the counter, drinking an espresso and animatedly speaking to none other than Frank, himself cradling his large coffee cup in both hands and nodding to whatever Mark is telling him. They both seem completely at ease and Frank has his body turned towards Mark, showing he is really giving him his attention. 

Frank is the first to notice you and he tips his cup towards you in greeting.

“Afternoon, boss” he rumbles and quirks his lips up in a small, soft smile. 

“Pete, hi!” you greet back, smiling brilliantly. 

“I was just telling Pete about our day and how enthusiastic you can be when it comes to talking about food… she went on a whole tangent about how  _ this _ bread would have been better for eating cheese instead of some kind of salami and how a perfect omelet is supposed to look like while we're in the middle of people having brunch” he says the last part to Frank in a conspiratorial whisper but throws you a fond look.

“Oh trust me, I know… las’ summer she was dead set on creatin’ the weirdest ice cream flavors possible and I heard about ‘em every chance she got” Frank chuckles at the memory and you groan in embarrassment and affront. 

“Yeah, I remember there were some unusual combinations but I never tasted them” Mark agrees.

“Lucky you then” Frank smirks in your direction and you flip him off with a pout.

“You two should never have met” you whine and lean over the counter, giving both men a dark look. 

They both have the audacity to laugh. 

“And as I already told Pete last time this came up, people really enjoyed the different flavors”

“Sure” Frank says placatingly and you smack his arm when he keeps smirking. 

“Just make sure no waiters are around to hear you next Friday” Mark suggests with a sly smile and then looks at Frank. “You should have seen the guy’s face when he heard her complaining about the lack of bread types and the omelet. He kinda looked like he would have thrown us out on our asses, right then and there, if he had been the one to make the decision” 

Frank snorts and looks at you with his eyebrows lifted in amusement. 

You roll your eyes but huff out a small laugh.

“Maybe they’ll learn from this” you shrug unapologetically. 

Brunch had been delicious actually and the waiter had happened to appear next to you at the only moment you had criticized something. For all the choices you’d had, the bread had been lacking and the omelet was only passable. The rest had been, as said already, delicious. Bad timing. But it had been fun to see the waiter's outraged look. At least he took his job seriously.

“Oh and speaking of next Friday” you say, annoyance creeping back into your voice. “I might run a little late. My coffee retailer switched our appointment out of the blue for next friday. And I can already tell you that I won’t be able to switch it again, that guy’s a total douche”

You can see Frank’s expression darken as he obviously remembers Davis from one of your previous conversations. 

“Don’t worry, Darling, I’ll make sure they’ll hold our table or if you prefer we can try and find another day if you think you won’t be in the mood anymore after dealing with that guy” Mark reassures you calmly.

You blink a few times before you reply. It’s the first time Mark has used a pet name for you and it’s so similar to how Frank says it that you’re a bit lost for a second. 

“No, no. It’s fine. On the contrary. It’s gonna help me calm down because I’m sure as hell gonna be pissed after that meeting, just so you know” you counter and nearly want to tell him that Frank knows all about how angry at Davis you could get but that only reminds you of how you had taken care of your anger last time. So you keep it for yourself. And by the way Frank is looking at you right now, eyes dark, he remembers the same thing. You bite your lip a bit harder than necessary, fighting down a blush and smile at Mark. 

“Alright then” Mark agrees and stands. “I gotta go, Xavier is probably waiting for me already. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” you acquiesce silently as he leans over the counter and you smile when you meet him in the middle for a soft and lingering kiss. There are some catcalls from some of your regulars and you both grin when you separate again. You notice Frank is looking the other way though, right at the blackboard, like he’s actually reading it. 

“Was great seeing you again, Pete” Mark claps a friendly hand on one of Frank’s shoulders and the latter turns his head to him, nodding slightly.

“Yeah, you too” he rasps. 

Then out of nowhere, Mark pulls out a tenner and drops it into the tipping jar with a wink directed at Andrew who is making his way around the counter. You roll your eyes but stay quiet as the young man grins at Mark happily before the latter vanishes through the main door with a last wave. 

“Things look good between you” Frank’s tone is casual as he looks down into his cup and then takes a long swallow from it.

“Yeah, he’s an amazing guy” you agree easily and smile softly but you eye Frank with a slight frown. The way he acts sometimes makes you feel like you’re missing something. Like right now, when he pointedly looked away when you kissed Mark. He obviously wasn't going to stare at you but something still seemed off about how he did it. He’s the one to suggest you date him after all. 

You sigh internally. Probably just him being all protective again.

“Yeah, I like ‘im. He really seems to be a decent guy” Frank admits, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“You guys like ganging up on me, that’s what you like about him” your voice is flat and that, at least, has the effect of making Frank huff out a short laugh. 

You roll your eyes again but smile. 

“You want me to grab something for you? I’ve got a lot of work to do in my office and I'm already behind so I can't stay around” you apologize earnestly and put a hand on one of his.

“Nah, I'm good, Sweetheart. Don’t worry your pretty head over me” Frank dismisses your concern with a wave of the hand not currently under yours and gives you a small half smile. 

You simply nod a bit sadly. You’re disappointed that you won't be able to spend more time with him this week. You’re always so happy and relieved when he shows up that you want to take every moment you get with him and prolong it for as long as you can. If you'd known he'd be showing up today, you'd have taken care of work yesterday. When he started coming in during this whole mission thing, he initially sent you a text to tell you he would stop by. But as stuff came up more often than not and he wasn't able to come in the end, he finally stopped texting and instead showed up whenever he could. You still text on and off the rest of the time though.

You feel him turn his hand under yours and grab it in his larger palm, squeezing it gently. 

“I'll see you next time, alright” he consoles and stands. 

“You don’t have to leave immediately just because I'm not here” you insist as your eyes track his mouvements and tug on his hand to get the point across.. 

“I know” he replies with a half smile and releases your hand. “Thanks for the coffee Andrew” he calls out a bit louder to the barista and also puts ten dollars into the tipping jar. 

“Thank you, sir” Andrew shouts back merrily from where he’s preparing a latte macchiato. 

“Ladies” he addresses the girls with a courteous nod and they respond in kind with huge smiles. He then turns back to lock eyes with you for a long second before he nods again, expression once again unreadable. 

You nod back, inexplicably tongue tied and then Frank is leaving the Café.

When you’re back in your office, it takes you some time to clear your head enough to deal with the different phone calls you have to make and read and answer various emails. Then you’re going to have to take care of the paychecks. You sigh as you deflate a bit. You are in for a long afternoon. That’s what happens when you procrastinate too much. 

  
  


~

  
  


The week following up to friday ends up being long and very busy. You barely have time to see Mark over coffee or lunch at his restaurant. 

Frank hasn't shown up either this week and by the time friday finally rolls around, you are slightly cranky and just hope your meeting with Davis isn’t going to run too long. Good thing you’re going out later because you’ll definitely need to relax after all this.

By 6.30 and with Davis, like anticipated, not having shown up yet, you keep yourself busy in the kitchen, finishing some ice cream as well as some dough for the next day. Sandra left around two today because she started way early this morning to take care of the pastries and cakes for this weekend. She asked if you wanted her to come back when Davis showed up, to be there for moral support, but you had told her you would take care of him and not to worry. 

You walk into the shop to give some last instructions and tell your staff to just finish up for the day if you aren’t done by eight and just head home. 

Once back in the kitchen, you just have the time to put the dough in the fridge and the ice cream in the freezer when Michelle walks into the kitchen.

“Boss, Mr. Davis is here for you” her voice is polite but she rolls her eyes and grimaces as she has her back to him and you have to smile in amusement at her antics. 

“Thank you” you smile at her and she nods before she leaves and the retailer takes her place.

“Good afternoon” Davis looks straight at you and nods. Your eyes widen slightly at the polite greeting. He usually never bothers and immediately starts talking importantly, making scathing remarks about one thing or another and barely looks at you. “Please forgive my lateness, I got hold up by my previous appointment”

“Good afternoon” you reciprocate, now completely stunned. He never apologizes for anything and until now, you believed he comes in late just to annoy you. “And don’t worry, it doesn't matter” it’s not true but you just wave a hand towards your office, indicating for him to follow you. 

“I saw your sales went up even more this month” he starts as he sits down in the chair facing your desk. 

“Oh… yes they did” you sit down and are again kind of shocked at his positive comment. Was he sick or something?

“My father has your shop in very high esteem and really likes what you’re doing with our coffee” he takes out some spreadsheets out of his briefcase as well as a couple of small bundles that must be new samples.

“Thank you…” you are still confused so it comes out slowly. “I’m happy he approves. We have a lot of customers that only come here because we use your brand”

Davis tries for a smile but it comes out like more of a grimace as he inclines his head in acknowledgement.

“Are you alright?” you finally question when you see how his hands are fidgeting and you notice a light sheen of sweat at his temples. 

Davis leans back against the back of his chair and tries for a relaxed position, waving your question away lightly. “Yes, yes, I'm fine, just a bit hot today” 

You lift your browns a fraction at the obvious lie but you don’t want to press him. He’s acting all weird today but as he’s being very polite and open to discussion, you decide not to look deeper into it and just take it as a good thing. 

The meeting goes way smoother than usual as you go over his spreadsheets and your next order for the upcoming months. He shows you his new samples and you accept to try them out, thinking Frank would be a willing enough Guinea pig, and talk a bit more about the new coffees you plan on trying out and how you use some of them in some of your cakes.

Surprisingly, it all takes just a little bit less than an hour and for the first time you are actually satisfied with how things went. Davis hasn't been mean or condescending, made no sexist comment and has simply been cordial. A far cry from how he usually behaves. 

You are thinking about how you’re actually going to be on time for your date with Mark as you lead Davis to the exit, when the man turns back to you, holding his briefcase in front of him with both hands. His thumbs stroke over the handle rapidly and he gives you an agitated look. You are about to ask what’s wrong when he beats you to it.

“I would really appreciate it if you could tell your friend that all went fine today” 

“Of course, I’m sure Sandra will be happy to hear how well we are do-”

“No, no, not her” Davis cuts you off impatiently before he seems to catch himself and frown, pressing his lips together. 

You blink rapidly in confusion. “I don’t understand wh-”

“I don’t know who he is alright? It was too dark to tell” Davis fires away irritably, then licks his lips nervously. “He just said he’s your friend and… just tell him I’ve been nice and polite, okay?” And with this last information, he books it out of your kitchen, leaving you rooted to the spot and gaping in bewilderment.

What the actual  _ fuck  _ did just happen? And why would anyone threatened-

“Oh my God,  _ Frank _ !” you gasp in sudden realization. Who else but him would do this? You can't believe he did this. You don't know if you want to be flattered that he took this so seriously or pissed he didn't let you deal with this on your own. What if Davis decides he doesn't want to work with you anymore? Chances are pretty low as you bring his company a lot of money but still...

“Oh, hey boss! You’re already done?” Michelle appears through the two way door.

You jump at her voice, not having heard her enter and turn to see her and the rest of the evening crew trudge into the kitchen and toward the locker room. 

“Yeah” you utter slowly.

“The shop is clean and the last customer left five minutes ago” Michelle lets you know with her usual professionalism. 

“Thank you” 

“Ready to go?” this time the voice comes from the back door and you turn again to see Mark standing in the doorway, smiling brightly. 

“Hey” you return the smile even though your mind is still whirling. “I just have to change quickly and then we can go” 

“I’ll just wait for you outside then” and he exits to do just that.

You enter the locker room just as the others are leaving and you exchange goodbyes as they walk by you.

You quickly wash up at the sink and put on a new dress you bought for today. The restaurant you are going to isn’t really high end but very popular so you opted for a simple dress in a color that suits your skin tone.

“You look fantastic” is Mark's immediate response to your dress and you kiss him lightly on the lips in thanks after you’ve put on your light coat over it.

“Lead the way” you link your arms and tug him forward. 

The restaurant is already full when you get there and only the table Mark had reserved for you is still empty. A few minutes later and they would have had to give it to someone else.

You breathe a sigh of relief when you sit down at your table, Mark taking the chair in front of you. You both take the day’s cocktail which is a fruity version of a mojito and you can’t wait to get a little alcohol into your system to sooth your somewhat frazzled nerves. The week has been full of surprises both good and bad and you just want to relax with some good food, good drinks and good company. 

They serve a variety of food from different countries and where you go for a vegetarian couscous, Mark gets some beef enchiladas. 

“So, how did the meeting go?” Mark blows on his forkful of enchilada. You’ve talked about his week while you had your drinks and waited for your food and you’ve slowly made your way to yours.

“Good actually” you take a bite from your couscous, which is delicious and you hum in appreciation. 

“It was with that asshole you talked about last time, right?”

You nod slowly in confirmation and look down at your plate as your mind goes back to Davis’ behavior and inexorably to Frank too. 

You’ve tried to stop thinking about the whole thing while with Mark but your mind just keeps bringing it up. 

“So it went better than usual?” you lift your eyes back to Mark, the man watching you expectantly. 

“Yeah, yes. He was all polite and really professional for once. I can’t tell you how much of a difference that made… we actually got to something today” 

You keep eating silently as you listen to Mark talk about difficult retailers and your mind wanders back to Frank. You wonder what he had actually done to Davis to scare him like this. Frank is really imposing as it is, so when he’s angry he must be quite the sight. But Davis said he didn’t see his face, so what? Did Frank just slip into his office and threaten him with bodily harm if he didn't behave, staying in the shadows all the while? Knowing Frank, you wouldn’t put it past him. You couldn’t believe he would go to that length just because you complained about it. No, actually that’s not true. You know he would do anything for the people he really cares about. He can be the cruelest man to those who hurt him and his, but it’s the first time you experience it like this. It's a little overkill but you know how protective of you he is, how much he cares…

“-ning to me?” 

“What?” you jerk out of your thoughts when Mark’s voice finally registers. “Sorry, I…”

“Are you okay?” Mark reaches a hand over the table to take one of yours and squeezes it lightly. 

“Yes. I’m sorry, just lost in thoughts” you turn your hand and link your fingers with his.

“You’ve been in your head the whole evening, do you want to leave?” Mark’s expression is kind and worried and you have to sigh at yourself.

“No, I’m fine… just had a very weird day all around” 

Mark’s lips tilt up in understanding and extricates his fingers from yours to resume eating. 

You do the same and notice you’re already nearly done with your couscous. You don’t even really remember eating it and you give yourself a mental shake, annoyed with yourself. 

The rest of dinner goes without you blanking out again and you slowly start to enjoy yourself. There is some good music playing in the background and you feel yourself relax as you finish eating your dessert. This time it’s some spicy lava cake with red pepper flakes in the dark chocolate. You briefly wonder if Frank would enjoy it before you push him forcefully out of your mind again. 

“I’m sorry I was so off tonight” you half whisper as you are nearly back at your building. You’ve spent most of the time it took you to get back either in silence or talking about the food you just had.

“Don’t apologize, it’s fine” Mark tightens his hold on the hand he took as you left the restaurant. 

You lift your eyes when you turn at the corner leading to your building and look at the tall windows where you know your living room to be. You take a deep breath and bite your lower lip.

“Do you want to come up?” the words come out in a rush and you see Mark snapping his head towards you at the, probably, unexpected question. You had thought about taking things further with Mark and maybe tonight would be the night.

“If you want me to. Sure” he nods happily.

So you tug him along and keep his hand in yours as you put in your digital code and then walk through the doors and to the elevator.

You only let him go to fish out your keys from your purse and open your door. 

“Your place is beautiful” he exclaims as he slowly walks around the place, looking at your kitchen and around your living room. 

“Yeah, I love this place” you hum contentedly, taking off your coat and putting it away, then look around your home yourself and grin. “Espresso?” 

“Yes, please” Mark follows you to your kitchen and watches you as you prepare two small cups with practised mouvements. 

“You use your Café's coffee?” Mark wonders as he looks at the array of coffee beans in your cupboards. 

“We all order a little more from different varieties if we like one or more in particular” you take the finished cups and hand one to Mark as you walk to your couch and sit down on it with him taking the spot right next to you.

You lapse into light small talk as you drink your coffees, which doesn’t take long seeing as how small they are. 

You can feel the nervous excitement in the air as you both put your cups on the coffee table and look at each other. It’s never been like this with Frank, everything always came naturally. And why are you thinking about Frank again? 

Mark snorts and hangs his head and you remove Frank from your mind, again.

“Why do I feel like I’m sixteen all over again?” he groans in embarrassment.

You laugh softly through your nose and Mark looks back at you, eyes going darker and more intense. You breathe in shakily when he reaches for you, one hand on your neck and the other going around your waist. He tugs you to him and your arms wrap around his shoulders. 

The kiss is fast and hard from the start, tongues delving into each other’s mouths, teeth nipping and lips sucking on tongues. It’s all a bit messy and eager and good and you lay back so that Fra-Mark, what the hell, can slip between your legs and lean over you. 

Mark’s hands slowly drift down to your bare legs where the dress has moved up your thighs and slides his fingers under the fabric as his lips go to your neck. You close your eyes, enjoying his touch but the moment your eyes close, Frank’s face springs in front of your lids and you snap your eyes back up, slightly panicked. 

What the hell is happening? This hasn’t happened until now when Mark was kissing you. 

Mark’s hands have found your waist and are steadily pushing up your dress. 

Is it because you’re about to sleep with him somewhere you had sex with Frank before? 

No, this is ridiculous. 

Mark’s fingers are now grazing the underside of your breasts and why do you feel like you want to slap them away.

With Frank it has never felt like this, you always craved more, you…

“You’re fucking beautiful, Darling” 

It hits you so hard that you gasp sharply.  _ Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!  _ You start chanting nonstop in your head.

“Oh my god, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t” you cry out shrilly and push at Mark’s shoulders insistently. The poor guy practically jumps off of you as he watches you in complete bewilderment, hair disheveled and clothes rumpled. “Oh Mark, I’m so sorry, I can’t, I can’t, I-”

“Hey, hey, hey, calm down! It’s alright. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to… just breathe with me” he hugs you back to him and that’s when you notice you’re hyperventilating.

You try to do as he tells you, slowing your intake of air, taking deep breaths. 

It takes some time as every time your mind comes to the same conclusion, you’re overwhelmed all over again. 

“I’m so sorry Mark” you croak after what must be the longest time, your face smashed into his chest.

“Shhh, don’t worry about it” 

“How could I've been so stupid” you mean it for yourself but Mark still kisses the top of your hair and shushes you gently, rocking you silently back and forth for a little while.

“There’s someone else, right” and it’s not even a question you realise as you untangle yourself to look at him in surprise, at how perceptive he is. You shouldn’t be surprised, Mark is a very attentive man. 

“It’s more complicated than that” you sigh as you look away morosely. 

"You wanna talk about it?" his hands are still on your arms, stroking his thumbs over them in a warm gesture and you look at him in wonder. How can he be so calm about this when he just found out that this had all been for nothing?

"I'm so sorry Mark… I feel like I lead you on for weeks… I'm so sorry you wasted your time with me…" you know you're eluding his question but there's no way you're talking about this. 

"There's nothing to be sorry about, I had a lot of fun and I still care about you a lot… I'm fine with just being friends if you can't give me more" his voice is low and reassuring and you want so badly to be able to fall in love with him. 

"How are you even real?" you whisper incredulously which makes him chuckle lightly. 

"Will you be okay?” he asks instead and you just shrug and give him an approximation of a nod.

“Then maybe I should leave…” he releases your arms and stands from the couch, though he keeps his eyes on you. “Unless you want me to keep you-”

“No, no, I’ll be fine, thank you… I…” you sigh in frustration and close your eyes briefly to gather your thoughts before you rise to your feet as well. “I’m fine, just… feeling stupid and …” you trail off but Mark just nods in understanding and you both make your way to your front door. 

“Call me if you need anything” he opens the door and stares at you insistently.

“Thank you” you want to hug him but you don’t think it’s the best thing to do right now. “Seriously. Thank you for everything” 

Mark smiles briefly, softly, before he steps out with a half whispered “Take care” and a small wave and walks to the lift. 

You close your door when the lift closes behind him and press your forehand against the hard metal. You let your eyes fall shut and take a deep inhale, holding it in for several seconds, before you exhale slowly. You want nothing more than to slide down the length of your door and just sit there and wallow in your misery. Your stupidity. Your blindness. 

Instead of that, you let anger and frustration push you away from the door nearly forcefully and head back to your living room to get the two cups and bring them back to the kitchen where you decide it’s a good idea to wash them by hand instead of putting them in the dishwasher. You clean the coffee grinder and the coffee machine as well, taking your time. Anything to keep your mind occupied for just a little bit longer. Because you know you won’t be able to run away from your own thoughts the moment you stop moving. 

So when you’re done, you grab a bottle of red wine, the cliché yet perfect choice for this situation, and pour yourself a healthy glass. You need to numb your feelings just the tiniest bit otherwise you know you’re going to crumble the instant you let them hit you. 

You’re still standing in your kitchen with the intention to go sit in front of your TV to have some background noise to cover up your thoughts a bit and just took a long sip of your wine, when there’s a sharp knock at your door. 

Your head snaps into its direction and your breath locks in your throat. 

Oh please, let it be Mark who forgot something, you plead silently. 

Because if it’s not him, there is only one person who would come this late and also have the access code to your building.

You put your glass back on the counter and take a steadying breath before you walk to the door.

And of course, because the universe decided to be a little bitch today, when you look through the peephole it’s Frank who’s waiting for you on the other side of the door and not Mark. 

You close your eyes in resignation and open the door.

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you” you try to keep your voice even and smile a bit but you’re not sure you manage the latter as you step away from the entrance to let Frank in. 

“Yeah, sorry… I knew you’re on a date but I was in the neighborhood and jus’ wanted to walk by your buildin’, y’know, look if you’re home aldready… checkin’ on you… didn’t even mean to come up at first”

You make a weird huffing noise through your nose as you walk back behind the counter and into your kitchen to put something between you and Frank, then stare at him and hum noncommittally.

Frank stays on the other side of the counter, his eyes moving rapidly between yours, like he’s expecting something from you but you keep quiet. He’s the one who breaks the weird silence in the end. 

“I ran inna Mark” now this has your eyes widening and of course Frank notices it instantly, his brows furrowing. “He looked kinda worried but jus’ said you’re a lil' preoccupied” he makes quotation marks at the word preoccupied and you silently thank Mark for being so kind as you acquiesce wordlessly. 

“Coffee?” you turn around and walk to the opposite side of the kitchen to grab one of your bigger mugs from one of your cupboards.

“Looks like  _ you  _ need somethin’ stronger tonight, huh?” and you know he’s looking at the tall glass of wine behind you. 

“I do” you agree a tad curtly and take out one of the new coffee bean samples Davis gave you to try out, your back still to Frank and busying yourself with the automatisms that come with making coffee for a living. 

“He also told me you two broke up” Frank’s voice is low and tentative. 

“Fuck!” you swear loudly, having let go of the little bag in shock at Frank’s words, the beans now rolling around freely on your counter and some falling to the floor. 

“What happened, Sweetheart?” he rasps gently and you have to grit your teeth before your say anything stupid and angrily pick up the beans with your palm and put them in the grinder. 

“Nothing happened, Frank” you squat down to pick up the fallen beans and toss them in the garbage, mouvements quick and jerky, your hands now trembling as emotions start slowly surfacing, but you don’t know which one is going to win out.

“Thought things’re good between you” he presses carefully and this time you explode.

“Of course things were good!” you whip around, not bothering with the coffee anymore, and walk over to grab your glass of wine to take a few large gulps before putting it down forcefully again and come out of your kitchen to head into the living room, putting the couch between you two this time before facing him again. “Things were fucking  _ perfect _ , Frank! Mark is  _ perfect _ ! I mean… you said it yourself didn’t you? We have so much in commun, don’t we? And come on, he’s fucking gorgeous isn’t he? And kind and funny and so incredibly sweet. Who wouldn’t want him, huh? He’s the perfect catch. The ideal boyfriend or even husband” your voice is getting louder and louder the more words come out. And you can’t stop yourself as your arms fly through the air wildly, as you walk back and forth the length of the rug under your coffee table. “And wasn't that your plan to begin with? Finding me the perfect guy? But apparently that’s not enough for me… and I  _ tried _ ! I really thought this would work” you laugh harshly now. “How could I have been so stupid?” you look at Frank who is watching you with something between shock and worry. And it’s so obvious now. So,  _ so  _ obvious. “I pride myself in thinking that I’m pretty smart, but apparently I'm not” you scoff derisively but then your voice lowers and starts to crack here and there and you feel the tell tale prickles of tears in your eyes. “I don’t understand how I didn’t see this before… understand it…  _ Jesus,  _ how fucking  _ blind _ ” you laugh once sharply, humourlessly. “But even if I did, even if I did realize it sooner... What difference would it have made, right? Because it doesn’t matter” Tears now run freely down your cheeks as you finally look Frank right in the eyes. “I’m in love with you, Frank, but it doesn’t matter, does it?”

Frank’s eyes widen and a look of panic crosses his face but it’s gone as quickly as it came. He looks down to the floor and then back at you, eyes unreadable again. You shake your head dejectedly, tears coming silently. 

“I should have seen it coming, right?” and though you’re crying, your voice is strangely hollow. “I mean, this thing between us may have started just for fun, but I already cared way too much about you to begin with… I was honest when I told you I’d never ask for anything from you and I still mean it. I will never ask for something you aren’t willing to give. And at first I thought that this is why you pushed me towards Mark instead of just telling me you just want to be friends… And if it was just that, it would be alright… I could deal with it. But do you know what’s the worst part about this whole fucking thing?” you let the question float in the air for a second and Frank looks miserable but doesn’t say anything. You didn’t expect him to. “The worst thing... is that you love me too” your voice breaks this time and you have to close your eyes at the onslaught of despair. Because while you finally figured out your feelings for Frank, you also understood everything he did that led to this moment right now, was to make you forget about him before it’s too late. Before you feel the same as him. Because he already decided he won't take this risk. And this more than anything is what makes you so furious. “You love me too but you won’t let yourself have this… like you won’t let yourself have anything… anything that could be good. Because you still think you’re undeserving … and I’m not just talking about us… I’m talking about everything… And I know that I can tell you as many times as I want that you are worth it all and always will be… you still won’t believe it, won’t believe me…”

Frank has been silently watching you during your whole monologue and his absence of denial is confirmation enough.

“How long?” you whisper and you know Frank knows what you’re asking for.

“The storm” he confesses, voice like gravel. 

You let yourself fall down on the coffee table in shock, your hands rubbing over your face before they fall limply into your lap where you look at them.

This was over half a year ago. But now that you know, you can finally place all the weird little things he did, or how he behaved sometimes, the underlying sense of desperation. You truly had been blind. You have probably been in love with Frank all along, simply deluding yourself into thinking that it’s only a strong friendship, that it’s normal to feel like that, especially if you're sleeping with him. And Frank had probably known, or at least suspected that this would happen. In the end, Frank did what he specifically didn’t want you to do. You weren't supposed to fall in love with him, but he didn’t expect to fall for you. 

“And you thought that making me date someone else was magically going to change everything?” you look back at him sadly, shaking your head. “How could you expect me not to fall for you? Or more like how did you expect me to not realize it at some point when you kept showing up every time I was with Mark. Like tonight… you knew I was on a date and yet here you are… you can't just play hot and then cold and think nothing will happen”

Because this is true as well, he might have wanted you to find someone else but he knew about every date, every small coffee pause, and showed up at some point each and every time. Only confusing you more with his odd behaviour.

“I know alright?” he shouts, startling you, and for the first time this evening, he breaks his would be detached demeanor, looking at you defeatedly. “I jus’ couldn’ let you go like this… I needed to see and make sure you’re alright” he rakes a frustrated hand through his hair. “I couldn’ help myself… I thought I couldn’ feel like this, not anymore… but shit, here you come along, all fierce and beautiful and not takin’ my shit, puttin’ me right back in my place every damn time and jus’ throwin’ everythin’ I thought I knew out the fuckin’ window”

It’s the single most beautiful thing he has ever told you but you keep looking at him mournfully.

“But that doesn’t change anything, does it? You prefer denying what could be to continue on your missions… in what hope? You're setting yourself some unknown goal for what? You killed everyone who had anything to do with what happened to your family, so what now?” you know you're getting vicious but you can't take this anymore. "You take all the good away from yourself and want to decide about my happiness as well? Fuck this, Frank!" 

“I can’t do this to you” he croaks, his eyes pleading. “I can’t give you what you deserve… I’m jus’ a broken shell, babygirl” you gasp at your favorite pet name, tears springing back to your eyes but you wipe them away angrily, that's not playing fair. “And you deserve so much better than me… you don’ know all the things I’ve done in my life… you think you do, but you don', not really. It's the only way I know how to live… there's nothing else left for me… And I can't take the risk of losin' you because o' me… because you'd just be sucked right inna all that shit that is my life..., see what I have to do and how fucked up this can be,  _ I  _ can be… You don' know what the people I deal with are capable of doin'… what they would do to you if I let you in… this more than anythin' would drive me fuckin' crazy… I'd kill for you and I'd die for you but I couldn't keep on livin' if you got hurt or… killed because of me...I know you wanna see the best in me, but I’m not good… not enough”

Your heart is breaking at his beautiful yet condemning words. And you want to scoff, you want to scream and shake him, hit him. You want to stand and break something. Because after all this time, all the effort, you're still back to square one. The same conversation you had half a year ago. Except this time it hurts so much more. But you already know he won’t listen. Not since you found out to what length he went to try and get you away from him. He wouldn't choose you.

“I guess sometimes love isn’t enough” you murmur into the silence, your new tears making a louder volume impossible, choking you. 

You’re both quiet for a good while as you let everything sink in, but you surprisingly manage to keep eye contact. 

The conversation has you both drained and when you know you can speak without your voice breaking, you stand up from the table. 

“I think we should stop seeing each other for a while”

Frank agrees wordlessly as he watches you come closer. 

“We can’t keep going like that… I know I can’t just ignore this… I mean, Jesus, Frank, I  _ love _ you… I can’t just pretend, I’m sorry… if you don’t want this, if you want me to move on, us to move on, then we have to stop this...“ you bite your lip. “But this doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life anymore… I understand where you’re coming from… I hate it and I'm so incredibly angry right now, but I do… but I care too much about you to just let you go… I’ll never be able to simply forget you. And I know it’s selfish to ask this but… I still want to know you’re safe, okay? My worries won’t just vanish because I'm mad at you and we can’t see each other for a while” you smile ruefully at the last part and Frank even smiles softly back, his eyes going over your face, to your lips and to your eyes. "So maybe you could send me a thumbs up every week until your mission is actually done? And then…" you swallow dryly. "Then we should stop completely for a while… we both need to get over this so…" 

"Yeah" Frank raps, voice even lower than usual. 

"Right… then I think you should leave" 

Frank nods in acceptance and turns to walk to the door. 

When he opens it, he turns around again to look at you silently. 

You hold his gaze as you slowly approach the door too. 

"You should change your code" he suggests and you snort lightly. 

"Good idea" you stare at each other for another long moment.  "Goodbye, Frank" because there's nothing else left to be said.

Frank's eyes travel over your face again, taking you in one last time.

He opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it again before nodding again and walking away, like he's done so many times before. 

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dunh dunh duuuuhn... sorry for the cliffy... please don't hate me...  
> I'm writing the next part right now but I don't know when I'll be done. The COVID 19 is running crazy around where I live at the moment and we all have to stay at home... like most of us I guess. Staying home all day means I have to make sure my 3 year old doesn't go crazy out of boredom and I don't necessarily have the time to write as much as I'd love to...


	3. Everything is perfect... Isn't it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all fine, until it's not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank all the amazing people who already left kudos and who left comments. You helped me a lot with how and where I want to take this. 
> 
> The end is coming
> 
> Hope you're all staying safe!
> 
> ps: I'm adding some tags so you maybe wanna check them out

Next morning, it’s barely 7 o'clock but you've already been standing in the kitchen, preparing various things for the morning rush for two hours.

Like expected, you had barely been able to sleep with all the thoughts and emotions running completely amok through you. When Frank left it had been close to midnight and you'd tossed and turned for a few hours before simply sitting up in bed and looking unseeingly into the darkness of your bedroom. You had been angry and then miserable in turns as the last months played through your mind over and over again, seeing everything with different eyes now. And then there was the last hour with Frank, leaving you with a sense of loss and deep frustration, until you only felt hollow. 

Abandoning the idea of finding sleep then, you'd gotten ready for work and headed to your Café, walking through the cool night of New York. Keeping your mind occupied with work and just going through the soothing process of preparing food was exactly what you needed. 

There is no other way to go about this, no point in wallowing in what-ifs, because it’s all done now. Frank is gone and if you’re hoping to one day be able to see him again and not feel crushed by what you’re feeling right now, you would have to start getting over him immediately, or at least try. 

Because you'd meant what you'd said to him. You don’t want him out of your life. In your heart, you’re still friends, no matter what and you will always care and worry about him. It would be simpler if you didn't but here you are.

So this is how Sandra finds you when she gets there, hands covered in flour as you roll out some dough.

"You're here early" she notes as a greeting.

"Couldn't sleep" you give her a brief smile and go back to the dough.

"Oooh… did someone have fun all night?" she leers and you actually want to snort at how far off the mark she is.

"Mark and I broke up" you annonce instead, voice toneless and eyes on what you’re doing.

" _ What? _ " this time she squawks in shock.

"Yep" you pop the P and shrug.

"I thought you liked him?"

"I do, he's an amazing guy" you confirm, infusing a bit more feeling into this statement because it’s the truth.

"Then what happened?" you hear the annoyance creeping up in her voice at your elusive answers. 

"I just realized I could never be in love with him" you shrug again, tone flat once more, matter of fact.

"Is it because of Pete?" now that gets your attention and you whip around.

" _ What _ ?" it’s your time to squeak. 

"You're not as subtle as you think… you know that 90% of the feedback I get from you on my baking is from him? 'Pete said this and Pete said that. He likes this, doesn’t like that'..." she reveals with her eyebrows raised in amusement.

"That obvious, huh?" you don’t even try to deny anything anymore.

"I've known you for a while, so I could tell something is up but I wasn't sure and you never really talk about your relationships, so… but what's the big deal? Is he married or something?

"He was…" you don't need to tell her the whole truth.

"So what then?" 

"It's more complicated than that… I'm not going to be seeing him for a while either so… whatever" you’re default move today is a shrug apparently. You wish you were as detached as you sound.

"I really wanna say  _ 'what'  _ again but I won't because something is clearly going on and I can see you’re not ready to talk about it so I won't push…  _ but _ … if you want to talk about it at some point…" she lets the end hang in the air.

"Thanks… I just want to forget about it for a while… that's why I'm already here"

She nods in understanding, giving you a reassuring smile and grabs you for a hug. You didn’t see it coming but you sigh into the comfort of it and hug her back. 

When she releases you, she throws you a wink and goes into the cold chamber to get the ingredients she needs to finish the preparations she had started the day before.

You spend the rest of the morning in relative silence. You only break it to tell her about your meeting with Davis, telling her how polite he had been and that you had been able to get somewhere for once. She looks a bit shocked at the idea of a polite and interested Davis. You obviously don’t tell her about why he acted like that. You just shrug it off and say that maybe it’s because his father likes what you do and told him to watch himself around you. Sandra looks appropriately doubtful but she says that she won't go looking a gift horse in the mouth if he continues to act like that. 

The morning crew arrives at 7.30, creating a small ruckus as they greet you and Sandra and get themselves and the shop ready for opening and then you’re lost in blissful, mind-numbing work again. 

Around eleven that same morning, you’re filling in some of the ice cream containers in the front when a larger shadow appears in front of the counter.

“Hey” you lift your eyes in surprise when you recognize the voice and find Mark smiling softly down at you. 

You’re struck dumb for a few seconds as you didn’t expect him to show up so soon. His next delivery is only due for the end of next week. You slowly rise from where you were leaning into the ice cream display.

“Hi” you manage to get out.

“I… wanted to see how you’re doing…” Mark tries carefully.

You close your eyes and sigh deeply. 

“You didn't have to” you express gently, gratefully, as you open up your eyes again to look him in the eyes.

He sighs your name, like you’re being unreasonable. 

“We’re good, okay? Am I disappointed? Of course I am, because yes, I thought we were going somewhere… but I don’t resent you for loving someone else… I’m actually glad this happened before it got too serious”

You can only look at him with affection in your eyes and a small smile, yet again wishing you could love him. And he makes it so easy too, but there’s nothing there except deep fondness.

“I still care about you a lot” he adds. “So don’t be a stranger okay? I don’t want our conversations to be only about what order I’m placing with you… We can still have coffee, still find good places to criticize food together… as friends”

You bite your lip at the intensity behind his words, at how earnestly he looks at you. 

“Yeah, I'd like that a lot” you smile shyly, touched by his devotion. 

“Great! Okay” he seems so relieved that you have to chuckle lightly, which gets you a bright smile in return. “I have to go. The restaurant is opening in ten minutes... I just wanted to check on you and make sure you know you can still count on me again because I  _ know _ you didn't really believe it even though I told you last night” he declares with a knowing smile. 

You snort lightly in agreement.

“We’ll talk later, yeah? I'll text you” he promises.

“Yeah, okay… Thanks, Mark, you’re amazing” you impress fervently.

“Yeah well, what can I say. I've got my charm” he jokes and winks and you grin affectionately. “Later” he steps back from the counter as you call “Later” too and he’s through the door.

You stay in the same spot for a minute, still looking at where Mark vanished, thinking about how glad you are that you can still count on Mark and happy to be still able to hang out with him, until a father with his little girl make their appearance in front of you, asking for some ice cream.

  
  
  


~

  
  


This is how days and then slowly weeks start going by. You spend most of your time at the Café because working helps you focus a lot. Or more like it helps you  _ not _ to focus on the parts that keep you awake for long hours after going to bed. You end up in the kitchen before anyone gets there often enough but Sandra gives you the space you need and doesn't comment on it, just gives you a small squeeze during those mornings and a small warm smile. 

You have lunch with Mark at his bistro a few times in the following weeks and you’re still regularly texting with him about random stuff during the week. It helps and you enjoy his company a lot. He hasn't made your encounters awkward at all and you’re again so grateful you’re still able to be friends. It’s during one of those lunches that he unexpectedly tells you he ran into Frank after he’d left that night and that he told him you two had just broken up, needing to just tell someone and as Frank knew about you two, he had just blabbed. He’d been a bit embarrassed by the admission but as you tried not to show the shock you were feeling at the unexpected mention of Frank, you’d waved of his concern, saying you understood and quickly changed the subject.

Frank himself has kept his promise towards you and is sending you an actual thumbs up emoticon every week. 

Each text is like a stab to your heart, but you take them willingly because they mean he’s safe and that’s all that matters. You send back your own thumbs up each time as well, letting him know you're still here and still safe too. Because you know him. That’s all that matters to him too. 

You sometimes wonder if he still checks up on you without your knowledge, hiding somewhere and looking over you. The idea angers you more than it probably should because you can’t be sure he doesn't do it. You just hope he takes care of himself more, him being the one in probable danger and not you. 

At least for now you have the texts to reassure yourself with and you fear the day you'll get the dreaded text that would let you know this particular mission is finally over and mean the real end of your relationship for the time being.

You slowly get back to the routine you had before you started dating Mark, with the only difference of course being that you actually see Mark more than before that time. 

You know you are still far from being fully alright again and you still think about Frank every day, but the pain that comes with it is dulling the more days pass. You know you will probably always love him, even if you find someone else, because what you had with him was something special, something unique, even if you had only really figured it out by the end. 

By the start of July, you’ve been out to a club with Sandra and one of your childhood friends several times, enjoying a few drinks while Sandra was being hit on like mad. She usually spends her days in her kitchen attire but she looks like a goddess when she goes out and people of all genders drift towards her.

It’s a week after the last outing, that you notice you haven't gotten the usual text from Frank. He usually sends it around the beginning of the week, mostly tuesdays, but never later. Except now it’s Friday and you still haven't received anything. 

At first you hadn’t even noticed it. You'd been out with Mark that tuesday, trying out a new Indian place with the most delicious Naans you’d ever tasted. Mark had laughed at how enthusiastic you could be about any kind of bread. 

Wednesday you’d had to take care of paying your bills and checking your stocks with Sandra while trying out some new ice cream recipes and you’d fallen into bed completely exhausted later. 

Thursday though, when your phone’s alarm had woken you and you’d drosely taken a shower, you’d finally realized that something was missing. You’d gotten out of the shower and grabbed your phone while still naked, hands still wet and not doing a great job at unlocking your phone. You’d irritably tugged your towel from the heater, wrapped it around yourself and quickly dried your hands. You’d then immediately taken your phone in hand again, finally unlocking it with a swipe of an unsteady finger and checked your previous texts from Frank. The last ones all being just thumbs up of course, you had to check the date to make sure. But as you’d done so, you’d had the confirmation that you hadn’t received a new one since the previous monday. 

You’d frowned and bitten your lip, thinking. Actually, you hadn’t known what to think, really. Frank had never been late to anything. Whenever he’d said he’d come, he’d done so and if he couldn’t he’d always told you since the moment you started texting. So this had stroken you as odd. Was he maybe done with his mission and just hadn’t told you so? You hadn’t believed this though. You had both agreed on it. Agreed he’d let you know so you could both stop texting. 

You’d refused to think too much into it, refusing the ningling sense of worry that wanted to creep in on you. So he was a few days late. No big deal, right? Maybe he’d just forgotten, though you’d considered that unlikely. Or maybe he just had other important things to take care of that kept him from reaching out. And with this in mind, you had gone to work and tried not to think too much about it. 

So now, one day later, you keep shooting your phone, which you’d taken to carry around with you since the day before, expecting glances like it’s magically going to ring with a new text. It’s now the end of the day and still nothing. It had rung earlier today and you had nearly tripped over your own feet to get to it as you shot across the kitchen in your hurry to get to it. Only for it to be a text from Mark, asking if you wanted to go to the movies tonight since they are airing a movie from a producer you both like a lot. As much as you like Mark, you have never been that disappointed that the text was from him. But you had agreed anyway, feeling a bit guilty to use Mark as a way to keep your mind away from Frank, again. 

Frank is just a few days late, that’s fine. That’s totally fine. Nothing to worry about.

  
  
  


~

  
  


Nothing is fine anymore. It’s now over three weeks later and you still got no text, no contact at all. 

A week after the usual day Frank was supposed to send you his last update, you had decided to text him yourself. You had refrained until now, thinking that Frank had maybe really just forgotten to send you a text, that he’d thought he'd sent it and just never hit send. That you just had to wait for the following monday or tuesday and then would receive a new little thumbs up.

But it never came and so you’d sent your own. You decided to just send a question mark in case his phone was being watched or something. 

You had waited. And waited. And waited. Several days. But still nothing. 

So you took a risk and called, something neither of you had ever done. But to hell with caution. 

When a robotic voice had told you that this number was not available, you had been grateful that you had been home at least, as you’d sunken to the floor of your bedroom right where you’d stood. 

It had taken you several minutes to calm down enough, to breathe more or less normally, to get back up and go sit on your bed with your phone still cradled in your shaking hands. 

You had wanted to believe that this was intentional, that he had just gone on and simply cut ties like you wanted to, even if not like that. But you couldn’t. You didn’t. 

And you still don’t and with every passing day, the worry gets worse. Sandra obviously notices your new change in behaviour after you had finally gone back to nearly normal not so long ago. But now more than ever you couldn’t tell her what’s going on. This isn’t simply something about a broken heart anymore. No, now it’s about Frank being in danger. Of this, you are convinced. Frank would never make you intentionally worry like this. You don’t allow your mind to go any further though, any place darker than this idea.

The problem is that you don’t know what to do. You don’t know who knows about where he is, if he referred to anyone in particular for this mission. That time with the human trafficking, he had talked about Madani but he hadn’t mentioned her at all ever since. He hadn’t said anything detailed about his last mission, but you think, hope, she would have come up if she was part of it. You really don’t want to go knocking on the wrong doors. 

Maybe Curtis, but you don’t know anything about him. Frank has always made sure never to go into any details there as well. You don’t know what Curtis looks like and where the VA he works with is. Probably Hell’s Kitchen. But you are also too scared to go ask around there and come across the wrong person. What if someone ill intended is waiting for someone to mention Frank? 

You have never been this paranoid in your entire life. You’ve barely slept in the past week and the short times you manage to fall asleep, you wake up from terrible nightmares. 

Sandra looks more and more worried as she sees you closing up even more but you don’t dare letting her in. Your crew gets anxious around you too as you start spending more and more time in your office, worrying yourself sick. 

You even start asking them if they’ve seen Pete lately. Maybe he still came by and just made sure you were in the kitchen before getting his coffee. 

So this is how you find yourself in the front of the shop, tapping your fingers against the counter in agitation and looking at Andrew expectantly. 

Poor boy, always so happy, looks anxious as fuck and the expression you are wearing is probably not helping him relax. 

“Erm… Sorry boss, but no, I haven’t seen him lately. I did wonder… he was one of those who came in the most frequently” he stutters through most of this and you sigh, trying to rain in your worried mind and calm him.

“Okay, thank you Andrew” you try adding a small smile and he scurries off into the kitchen, his shift ending right now. 

“So Pete, huh?” 

You whirl around at Mark’s voice, the man sitting on the stool in front of where you’re standing behind the counter. 

Mark probably noticed you’ve been avoiding him for the last two weeks. Not answering his texts or calls. You’ve let one of your crew take his order for each week and conveniently been absent every time he got in to collect it. Considerate as he is, he hasn’t pressed you, until now that is, because you know today isn’t delivery day. 

He’s looking at you with a mix of worry and frustration. You stare back, unable to say anything, mind a mess. But you’re still so happy to see him and even if you can’t tell him anything, you can’t lie to him fully either right now. You know what he’s asking about.

So you sigh and answer with a simple “Yes, Pete”.

Mark nods and lifts his eyes up like he’s thinking about this revelation. 

“I guess it makes sense” he finally admits. 

You manage to huff out a small laugh. Looks like you’re actually pretty transparent when it comes to your feelings. To everyone else but yourself and Frank apparently.

“Well, Sandra let me know I’m not that subtle because she figured it out before I did. She asked about him after I told her you and I broke up” you reveal with a fond thought for your friend. 

“Well, you’re very comfortable around each other and I actually kind of thought he might have a thing for you… the way he looks at you and all, but then you started dating me and I thought I maybe read too much into it and that he would've asked you out before I did if that were the case… looks like I was right from the start… You do have good chemistry, I have to admit…” and this makes you laugh out once humorlessly to which he frowns. “I guess it’s really as complicated as you said it is, seeing as I haven’t seen him around in a while”

“And then some” you agree morosely. 

“And you’ve been looking for him” he summarizes and your heart clenches painfully at the reminder, rendering you momentarily speechless as emotions choke you, only allowing you to nod jerkily. 

Mark, just as insightful as always, frowns.

“You’re worried something happened to him?” and your lack of reply only seems to confirm his words because he keeps talking. “Is he in some kind of trouble?”

“I suppose” but your vague answer makes him watch you with narrowed, thoughtful eyes. “I guess that means that you  _ won’t  _ tell me, more that you  _ can’t  _ tell me more”

“Both” you sigh in defeat. 

“And I can’t help you… him?” he asks, wanting to make sure, like the great guy he is. 

You shake your head with a sad smile. “You really can’t… but thank you… really”

It’s Mark’s turn to sigh, deep and long, clearly annoyed and frustrated but accepting your words anyway. 

“Right…” and the way he says your name then, like he’s begging you, makes your heart squeeze in affection. “Please be careful... And just... Answer my texts from time to time, yeah? Let me know if things change”

“I will” you promise him, although you’re not sure you would be able to keep your word if things went bad. 

With a last nod of acknowledgement and another sigh, he stands, utters a small goodbye and leaves.

  
  
  


~

  
  
  


It’s a day later that you think you might be able to learn something about what happened to Frank.

You see an advertisement for  _ ‘Page, Nelson and Murdock’ _ in a paper a client left on the counter that morning and you asked yourself angrily why you hadn’t thought about it before. 

If there is one person you know you can trust and one person you know Frank himself trusts more than anyone except Curtis, then it’s Karen Page. 

You look up their place on your phone, confirming it’s in Hell’s Kitchen like anticipated and decide to go over there at the end of the day. You don’t want anyone overhearing you so you think it’s best going when they’re about to close.

Days have already been going by slowly for you in your constant worry for Frank, but today is even worse as you keep looking at your wristwatch every ten minutes, willing time to just move to that evening. You’re grateful it’s Sandra's day off today because you would have driven her insane with how even more stressed out you are right now and she would have expected an explanation this time. You've never been this glad your staff is this self-sufficient because while you beat the shit out of some dough to release some negative energy and run around the kitchen like a madman (madwoman?), they all take it in stride and simply take the things you prepare to the front and deal with the shop and customers like champions. In the back of your head you know you owe them all a fucking bonus for how good they work together for you. 

When it’s half past six, you go into the shop and inform Elliot, one of the other guys, that you’re already heading out and to take care off closing himself as you probably wouldn’t be back before eight. He acquiesce firmly, happily taking charge for you. You thank him and head out through the back into the humid and hot air of the city.

You take the subway to get to Hell’s Kitchen and with the help of your phone’s navigation system, you find the little law firm easily enough and still have five minutes until they close. 

The building isn’t really much, but you've come to learn that exteriors don’t mean anything. You could find the most beautiful places, like restaurants and such inside the ugliest buildings.

When you get to the right floor, you cross a man that just came out of the furthest door in the corridor. You walk up to that same door which has a big plaque saying  _ ‘Page, Nelson and Murdock legal firm’ _ as well as a smaller one with  _ ‘Please knock and then enter’  _ on it. You do just that and step into a small room which holds a woman, sitting at her desk before a large window at the opposite end, typing away on her computer. There’s an open door to the right with the words  _ Waiting Room  _ written on top of it but it’s empty. The man in the corridor had probably been the last client of the day. You can hear muffled voices coming from the closed door on the left side and guess it’s the actual office. 

“I’m sorry Miss, but we're closing in a few minutes” you look back to the woman who must be their secretary and who addressed you with a polite smile.

“I’m not here for an appointment… I just need a little time with Miss Page” you try to explain but she is already shaking her head. 

“I’m afraid you won't be able to talk to any of them without an appointment. Miss Page, M. Nelson and M. Murdock are really busy at the moment and don’t have time right now. I can look when they’ll have the next slot for you if you want” she looks into her computer screen and starts checking.

“You don’t understand” you insist as your heart starts beating erratically behind your ribs at the idea of having to wait for who knows how long until you could have a word with Karen. “It’s very urgent and I need to speak to her immediately”

“I understand, but we have a lot of clients who also have urgent matters we have to look into. I'm sorry but you'll have to wait until-”

“No, no, it can’t wait, please I need…” you can barely speak as your heart keeps jackhammering in your chest, your voice coming out in gasps of air.

“Miss-”

“Charlotte, it’s fine. We can see her immediately” says a calm, gentle voice and your eyes snap to the man you hadn’t seen come out of the left side office, your breaths still coming fast. “You can head home” 

Matt Murdock is as handsome as TV and the press have always portrayed. His signature red tinted glasses gleam in the light of the fading sun and the suit he’s wearing is sleek and cut to perfection. He seems to be contemplating you, head slightly tilted to the side and expression carefully neutral. You had seen him in court on TV when he was defending Frank and you know he’s a force to be reckoned with. 

“If you’re sure” comes the meek reply from Charlotte.

“Yes. Thank you, Charlotte. Have a nice evening” he smiles kindly into her direction before he turns to you again. 

Charlotte closes her computer before she stands and after a soft goodbye, she leaves, side stepping you as you’re still rooted to the spot and looking at Murdock.

“Matt?” it’s Franklin Nelson who speaks, dressed in a smart dark suit, hair a bit unkempt like he had pushed his hands through it repeatedly and confusion on his friendly face, but he’s accompanied by Karen, both of them looking at Matt askance, then at you when they notice you just standing there. 

When you see Karen, you breathe a sigh of relief, hope surging through you. You just hope it won't get crushed. If Karen doesn't know anything, then you don’t know what to do anymore.

“This lady is apparently here for you, Karen” Murdock explains, voice still as steady as before, as he keeps staring what feels like right at you.

Karen, who had looked to Murdock as he spoke, turns her head to you again, eyebrows raised in mild surprise. 

You stare at her for a few long seconds as you try to calm your heart and your breathing somewhat, taking this opportunity to look at her more closely.

You’ve read a lot of things about her and  _ from _ her and Frank has always talked about her with nothing but reverence. She’s as smart as a whip and never backs down from any situation, that much you know. You know how loyal she is as well, always protecting and helping Frank. She’s a fucking bad ass and absolutely gorgeous to boot with her dark blue pencil skirt, cream colored blouse and dark heels, everything highlighting her light skin tone perfectly. You admire her a lot. 

“I know you don’t know me” you finally manage to get out, taking in a deep breath. “But I really need to talk to you about a mutual friend we have… alone” you look at Murdock and Nelson pointedly at the last part. 

All three of them frown and Nelson is about to speak but you don’t give him the chance.

“It’s about Pete” and as you stare at her insistently, you pray she’ll get it. It’s not that you don’t trust Murdock or Nelson, you know they’re good people, but you don’t want more people than necessary to know about Frank’s disappearance. 

But thankfully, mercifully, you see understanding blooming in her eyes, her back straightening a bit more as she looks at you with narrowed, considering eyes. 

“Pete? Pete who?” is Nelson’s question as he looks from Karen to you and back again.

Murdock only frowns slightly and you don’t know if he got the meaning behind your words. 

“Please” you breathe desperately. 

“What about Pete?” Karen asks carefully. “Miss…” she trails off at the end and you hurry to give them your name, anything to make her trust you enough to get her alone.

“You own that big coffee house a few districts from Hell’s Kitchen, right? It has the same name” it’s Nelson again this time and you blink at him in surprise. 

“Um, yeah, that’s the one” you confirm dazedly. 

“She has the best coffee and french pastries” he informs the others who nod in acknowledgement and then eyes you with renewed interest. 

“Thank...you” you mutter, the situation so surreal suddenly. 

“Foggy, Matt… I’ll take care of this” Karen tells her friends but she doesn’t take her eyes off of you and you don’t back down from her stare. You want her to trust you.

“You sure?” Murdock asks and angles his head to her. 

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll see you at Josie’s later, yeah?” 

Both men nod, Nelson looking between you two again and Murdock with that same considering head tilt again.

“Thank you” you sigh as you finally walk away from the doorway and into the small entrance hall, letting both men walk out of it as they nod in farewell to you.

You let the door close behind you and wait for a few seconds as you and Karen still look at each other, to make sure the two men can’t hear you.

Karen folds her arms across her chest at your continued silence.

“Alright, we're alone now, what do you-”

"Please tell me Frank’s fine" you speak right over her in your renewed desperation and hope to finally, maybe, get answers.

“Frank?” Karen's arms fall to her sides as she frowns at you, now suspicious again but you power through, the answer too close.

“Yes Frank! Frank castle! I just need to know he's alright” you insist forcefully.

She eyes you silently, clearly deliberating and you nearly cannot stand it.

“He's alive” she finally announces after what feels like eons and you actually sag under the strongest sense of relief you have ever felt in your entire life. Because you never let your mind go to that idea, forcefully keeping it away from the worst case scenario possible. Entertaining the possibility of Frank being dead had been too much for you to deal with. But it’s alright, he’s alive.

“Thank god” you whisper, practically to yourself, as your eyes close under the wave of too many emotions. 

“Do you need to sit down?” you hear Karen ask worriedly.

There’s a small leather couch next to the right door and you gratefully go sit on it after opening your eyes again. 

“Thanks” you breathe deeply.

“What's your link to Frank? I’m sorry but he's never mentioned you before” Karen asks slowly and when you look up at her again, you can tell she doesn't fully trust you yet. 

It actually makes you smile because you know she’s trying to protect Frank.

“I don't expect he did” the fond tone of voice you use makes her frown all over again and this time you chuckle lightly. 

You take another deep breath. “I’ve known Frank for about two years or so… well… at first I didn't know it was Frank actually. He started to come to my Café when everyone still thought Frank Castle was dead for good and Pete Castiglione appeared.” Karen lifts her brows in obvious surprise at how long you and Frank have known each other without him ever talking about you. She walks over to the couch as well and after a second, sits next to you, waiting for you to keep going. You smile warmly at her and then look down at your hands which you’ve folded over each other in your lap. 

“He would come in several times a week but never on the same days and never at exactly the same time. He would sit at the furthest table in the shop, usually wearing a cap or a hoodie. Sometimes even his hard hat, which told me he must work at some construction site around town… He always looked so gruff and unapproachable but he was always so polite and pretty friendly with everyone… He looked like someone who wanted to be left alone and we all did, but after a while, I couldn't just ignore that feeling of loneliness coming from him anymore, so…” you smile at the memory and the face Frank had made that day. “He usually only ordered some tall, strong coffee, drinking it absent-mindedly, like he was lost in thought… so I decided to bring him some cake… I think it was some simple apple pie… and just put it in front of him saying it’s on the house with a, I suppose, corny kind of wink, you know” you laugh and shrug in embarrassment. “He looked so taken aback, like really shocked… when I came back from the kitchens a little bit later, he was gone and  _ of course _ , he’d  _ paid _ for the frigging cake…” you shake your head and snort. “After that, I started bringing him little things, which he still wanted to pay for and it took me  _ weeks _ to make him not, and tried talking to him a little bit more. I never hovered too much though, I mean, I didn’t want to bother him but something just drew me to him... In retrospect, I guess he did look familiar, but it’s more his behaviour that intrigued me… And after a while, I managed to slowly get through to him, or at least that’s what I told myself… but maybe he simply let me in just that little bit… He would come sit closer and closer to the front until he would sit at the main counter every now and then, striking up a conversation here and there with me…” 

Karen is watching you curiously while you’re talking, a small smile gracing her pretty face.

“Then one day, I was talking to my baker at the counter, swearing up a fucking storm because one of our appliances stopped working and Frank, who had been sitting there, drinking his coffee, offered me his help… I remember how relieved I was at his offer… so he stayed until we closed and everyone went home… That day, I found out who he  _ really _ is… He took the habit to take off his hat at some point but it had been the first time I had been so close to him and then he made some kind of face and it just finally clicked inside me… I mean, like probably most people in New York around that time, I knew about Frank Castle, but I was personally pretty interested in his case and I followed his trial a lot on TV… So I was also aware of the fact that he was supposed to be dead. I would never have imagined that Pete, the construction worker and Frank Castle, the Punisher, could be one and the same person… And have you seen him with that beard and that hair?” you laugh fondly and look to Karen who laughs lightly as well.

“He was pretty unrecognizable, that’s true” she admits easily.

“He was… and let me tell you… he flipped out on me… I’m apparently the only one who ever recognized him like that and he thought I was up to something or working for someone who knew about him… He understandably got a bit aggressive and held me against a wall until I was able to just explain my train of thought…” Karen looks shocked and concerned at hearing that but you just smile and wave your hand lightly, expressing it had been fine. “I promised to keep his secret and it got us closer... “ you stop for a few seconds, sighing as you think about the next part. “Then he suddenly stopped coming in for a few weeks… I tried not to worry and told myself he maybe had to work some place further away from the Café… but then the news about Frank Castle being still alive hit every news channel”

“So you know about Lieberman and what Russo did to his family” it’s a statement more than it is a question but you still answer.

“More or less yes… And then some more... You, more than anyone, know how protective he is, so he never really went into details with anything that was going on at that time or another, even now” you sigh and look at your hands again. “At the time I accepted that. I knew that to him, the less I knew and the less danger I was likely to be in… but maybe things would be different now if we had been more honest with each other” you lift your eyes to hers again. “I know you helped him a lot during that time but what you don’t know is that he spent a few nights in my apartment for months until Russo was dead” Karen’s eyes widen in surprise. “Yeah. That day when people found out about him, he came to check up on me at the coffee house and I offered him my place as a savehouse… He didn’t want to but he still did out of necessity after a few days… Needless to say that we got even closer after this… but things changed after a while” you sigh again.

“You were sleeping together, weren’t you?” Karen’s voice is purposely neutral, unaccusing, as she takes it all in. 

You gaze at her, not surprised in the least at her easy deduction. 

“We were” you simply confirm. “I liked him from the start… he’s an amazing man and I was already attracted to  _ Frank Castle _ even before officially meeting him… and apparently it was mutual so we, I don’t know, went from being really good friends to friends with benefits… although we never really put any kind of label on what we did… we liked spending time together and the sex was good” you shrug unapologatically. “And this went on until not so long ago… but even after” you make quotation marks at “taking care of” and you shake your head “everyone one who was involved in his family’s murder… he still went on the worst missions possible… I know some were related to Agent Madani and Homeland but I’m not so sure about the last one… it left a bad feeling with me... “ you rake your fingers through your hair in frustration. “We had a fight around May about… stuff... and we agreed we had to stop seeing each other for a while… I just asked him to keep me updated until his mission ended and to tell me when it was done so we could stop… I was too worried to stop being informed about how it went and he did it… he texted every week… until around a month ago… and that’s why I’m here, running down your door. Because I know Frank trust you more than anyone and I hoped you'd know something”

“You love him” once again it’s a statement and you want to laugh at how obvious you apparently really are.

You huff out a small laugh through your nose and smile at Karen.

“I do…”

“Is this what you fought about?” she questions gently.

“More or less… he doesn’t think himself worthy of my feelings or anyone’s feelings for that matter” you give Karen a pointed look to which she sighs and nods in agreement. “He prefers running after the bad guys… no matter the cost… fighting a war he never really came home from”

You close your eyes and sigh as deep sadness overwhelms you suddenly. 

“I’m sorry” she intones remorsefully then and the stricken expression on her face as you look toward her, makes the blood in your veins turn cold. It’s not an ‘I’m sorry for what happened to you two’. It’s something else and it scares you. You stare at her as you quickly search your mind, thinking back to everything you talked about since you came in. But you did most of the talking so what…

You swallow thickly as you blink slowly.

“When I asked you if he’s alright… you didn’t say yes or no… you just said he’s alive… what did you mean, Karen?” your voice is whisper thin.

“I needed to make sure I could trust you… I mean, some woman I’ve never heard Frank speak of suddenly comes into my office asking about his whereabouts…” she explains. 

And of course it makes sense, you would have done the same thing. But now…

“Karen? Please, what happened?” you plead and she sighs sadly. 

“He's been in the hospital for over a month with multiple gunshot wounds and fractures... He had a very serious concussion and swelling to his head so they had to put him in an artificial coma for a few days to stabilise him. He nearly didn't make it...”

The world tilts dangerously around you as the words register and you lean your upper body over your legs, head in your hands, trying to breathe.

You hear Karen call out your name and you can feel her hand on your back but you can’t think right now except for the fact that you nearly lost Frank and that he’s still severely injured.

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for that ending... Again ... ^^'  
> Wooh this conversation between Reader and Karen had been stuck in my brain for months! I'm so glad I finally got it out...  
> I really, really like Karen and I wanted her to be a key in this situation as well. We all know how much she cares about Frank, right?  
> I'm not personally a fan of Kastle... I totally understand it and I mean, come on, you'd have to be blind not to see the chemistry in DD season 2 and The Punisher season 1. But since I started writing this reader fic, I haven't been able to imagine him with Karen anymore. She's too amazing and reader knows it LOL  
> Anyway, the end is nearing... I think there's only one chapter left but I promise you things will turn out alright. Can't be any other way. And... Of course, because it's how this all started, and because I like writing it, the rating will be justified ;)


	4. You're not perfect...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm done writing but as the last part is twice as long as the other chapters, I decided to cut it in half to even things out. And maybe so you can take a breather between the two if you're not up to reading 15k words of emotions in one go.

“Breathe with me!” you finally hear Karen’s worried command and you try to listen. “He’s going to be fine… breathe! Breathe!”

He’s going to be fine. Yes. Fine. It’s alright, he’s alive. He’s badly hurt but he’s alive. He’s going to make it. 

You tell yourself this over and over again as you listen to Karen's gentle voice, shushing you and trying to calm you down.

Slowly, you manage to get your breathing under control again, making your heart beat less hard, less fast as minutes pass by and Karen is still rubbing your back gently.

“What happened?” you croak after an eternity and you hear Karen take in a relieved breath.

“I’m not really sure myself” she apologizes as you slowly sit up again, resting your back against the couch and look at her again. She’s a bit pale and you’re embarrassed you broke down on her like that. She probably hadn’t expected to end her day with an unknown woman freaking out in her office.

“All I know is that they found him in his car somewhere just outside New York, nearly dead… he drove into the side ramp apparently… He’d already lost a lot of blood and with all the different injuries it was a close call” Karen looks at you worriedly, like the information was going to send you back into a new panic attack but you try to just breathe through it and think about the fact that Frank is getting better as you speak. 

You nod for her to continue and you see her relax a bit.

“He has most of his ribs broken or cracked as well as a sprained left arm and right wrist…” you can tell that it takes a lot out of her to tell you all this as well. She must have been so scared too, having to see it all. At least you knew from the start that he’s going to be fine in the long run but she hadn’t and you appreciate her even more for her friendship with Frank and for telling you all this when it must hurt so much. 

“I don’t know how he survived all this… managing to drive a car when so badly injured… how his lungs haven't been punctured by any of his broken ribs is a small miracle but what was really the worst... he had over fifteen bullets going through his whole body, some still inside when they got to him” you gasp at that particular information because broken bones are one thing, they're painful, sure, but it's nothing compared to getting shot  _ fifteen _ times… the chances that no vital organ gets hit is close to none. But Frank still made it through this. “Yeah… I've seen him come back from some horrible, terrible fights but this… this was beyond everything I've seen him survive…” she shakes her head in shocked amazement. 

“I'm afraid you won’t be able to go visit him though” she continues “He’s being watched 24/7… because of what he’s done before obviously… because there can’t be a good reason for him to be injured like that…and he obviously didn't tell anyone what happened” she sighs frustratedly at this. “But actually more for his own protection…Although... The FBI found a completely destroyed warehouse just out of town the next day… drugs and dead bodies everywhere… they've been after it for a while apparently but they don’t know who did it…” you look at each other, because the answer is clear to both of you. “So when Frank woke up the first time and asked for us, me, to take care of things in case they try to put him in jail for whatever reason again and told me about killing  _ everyone  _ without giving anymore information, I had my answer and I’m pretty sure no one is going to come after him” she finishes, shaking her head. 

“But at what cost…  _ Jesus _ , Frank!” you explode angrily after all you just found out. “He always has to walk that extra mile that’s going to get him killed for real one of these days if he keeps doing this… He just told me it’s some drug dealer cartel and that things were fine, nothing dangerous” you scoff. It had been weeks since you had felt this angry. This last month and a half had been only about panic and worry, leaving not much space for anything else. You only feel your anger and frustration that much more for it. “Yeah, right…  _ God!  _ He always acts so fucking concerned and overprotective with others but he doesn’t give a flying  _ fuck _ about himself” you rant and stand up in your agitation to start walking back and forth in front of the couch, lest you break or hit something.

“I know” Karen agrees and you feel her own frustration and sorrow. 

“And he asked once, and I quote, why are all the women in my life so stubborn?... Pot meet kettle…” 

This actually makes Karen laugh lightly under her breath and you deflate, sitting back down.

“How is he?” you finally ask, now mostly sad at the whole situation.

“He’s healing… slowly… I know you won’t be able to see him immediately but I prefer warning you just in case... he still looks terrible… He can’t really move right now… his legs aren’t broken but a lot of the bullets went through them so he’s in a lot of pain when he stands… and in general honestly, though he won’t show it of course” she rolls her eyes and you do the same. “He’s on a lot of painkillers so he sleeps a lot and can’t do much else… he hates it obviously” and you both laugh this time and then Karen sighs. “I don’t know how long he’ll have to stay there… but probably another month at least… I go visit him every week or more to keep him a bit company and let him rant”

“I’m glad he has you” you express earnestly.

“He has his flaws but he’s a good man” she smiles warmly.

“You’re preaching to the choir here” you chuckle even though you hate how much you two know this but  _ he _ won’t see it.

You both fall silent for a while, letting the last hour settle in on you both. 

With an explosive sigh, you finally stand again and turn to Karen.

“I know it’s asking a lot, especially after everything you just told me but… would you maybe consider keeping me updated?” you ask tentatively. 

But Karen simply smiles softly as she stands as well.

“Of course I will” she agrees kindly and you smile back in relief.

You lift your handbag and rummage through it and when you finally find one of your business cards, you hand it to her.

“Here… just… you can call anytime of the day… I just want to know he’s getting better, yeah?”

“I’m glad Frank found someone who cares so much about him” you can actually see the relief in her face at that knowledge. “I really hope you'll both get over everything that happened between you two… for both your sakes”

You nod vaguely and shrug.

“I’m afraid it’s always been up to him… but I’ll never give up on him… no matter what our relationship is going to be”

With that said, you thank Karen again profusely and leave her office.

As you walk home, the whole information Karen shared with you continues to whirl around in your head. You finally feel relieved to have found out what happened to Frank, ending the interminable days of anguish and despair of not knowing. But you also can’t shake the constant concern for Frank’s health and the knowledge of all the pain he must be enduring right now.

You know you can’t do anything about it so you just hope he’ll get better sooner rather than later.

When you enter your loft, the first thing you do is change back the access code to the previous one.

You had changed it immediately the day after your fight with Frank like he had suggested. It had felt weird doing it, but you knew it was necessary to start getting over him. Better remove everything that could remind you of him and at the same time, helping him stay away. 

Now though, the only thing you can think about is what if that day after taking out this cartel, he'd wanted to come to you and couldn't get in? And then never dared buzzing you. The idea scares you too much. You already decided that nothing is more important than his safety. And no matter what you two are to each other or what you might become, it doesn't change that. Frank might not want to fight for you, but you are willing to fight for him, however small your help could be and he wouldn’t be allowed to say anything about it.

That night, after going to sleep nearly right after getting home and changing the code, getting ready for bed and by passing dinner, it’s the first night you manage to fall asleep after just a few minutes of finding the right position. Your dreams are far from being pleasant as they try to retrace what Frank had gone through, but you don’t wake and you can’t remember the last time you felt rested enough and more positive for the upcoming weeks.

  
  


~

  
  


Over a week later, you're in the kitchens and helping Sandra prepare hazelnut Cronuts with a semi sweet chocolate glaze, the atmosphere more relaxed than it had been in a while. Sandra hasn't asked any questions but you can see the relief she feels at you acting relatively normal again with how she moves around you. You’ve never been more grateful for her unconditional friendship. She doesn’t know at all what’s going on but she’s there, just there. Sometimes it’s more than enough. 

Karen had kept her word and called you to let you know how Frank is doing. Better. Still pissed at having to stay put. Groggy because of the medication. But better.

She’d told you she hadn’t brought you up because he had been a bit out of it and she hadn’t wanted to get him even more agitated by finding out how worried you had been and to what length you had gone to find out what happened. You’d impressively told her she definitely doesn't have to talk about you with him. If it had been possible, you probably would have been able to hear her eyes rolling at this.

You know you  _ can't _ go to the hospital but you're not so sure you would have if you'd been allowed to. You know it maybe makes you a coward but you are too scared of what you are going to see and the feelings that are going to well up in you at the sight of him. 

And you told each other you would stop seeing each other for a while. You’re not so sure you want this anymore if you’re honest with yourself, but you don’t want his state to be the cause for making decisions you might regret later. So this would have held you back anyway. 

So as long as Karen keeps you posted every now and then on his recovery, you think you can deal with this.

  
  


~

  
  


The following Monday, Mark comes to get his usual delivery but he actually comes knocking at the backdoor.

You’re surprised to see him there, he usually comes through the front to get everything. Last week you had been too busy with your bills to see him, so you'd asked Andrew to take care of him for you.

Now you really look at him though, you can tell he’s pissed. Like beyond pissed actually. You make an embarrassed grimace when you realize you haven't kept your word and never sent him a text or anything for that matter.

“Hey” you elongate the word awkwardly and press your lips together, waiting for him to say something. When he doesn't though, you swallow dryly and clear your throat. “You wanna come in?” you ask tentatively.

He just nods sharply and walks straight to your office. 

Sandra, who saw everything from where she’s standing at one of the stoves preparing a chocolate ganache, stares at you with her eyebrows raised in sympathy. 

You make another grimace and walk to your office as well. 

Mark is walking up and down the small space in front of your desk, brows turned down into a thoughtful frown. Oh boy, in all the time you've known him and in the smaller time you've spent together more regularly, you have never seen him so angry. You have seen him annoyed, sure, but otherwise he is a pretty relaxed guy who takes most things very positively. A trait you like a lot about him. Now though, you’re a bit apprehensive.

“Mark” you try carefully but he rounds on you and you stop in what you were about to say, backing up slightly in surprise, eyes wide.

“You promised you would contact me! You can’t just go and tell me shit, even if of course you never tell me much, but you can’t just leave me hanging like that to worry about you… Do you even know how stressed people were about you this last past month? How anxious you have made everyone? Jesus  _ fucking _ Christ!” it all comes out in an angry rush but the last part is nearly shouted in your face, Mark throwing his arms up in the air furiously.

You swallow the lump in your throat at having disappointed him so much and lick your dry lips. He deserves so much better than that. Mark has been nothing but sweet and caring and been there for you the whole time, strengthening your friendship instead of pushing you away when he found out you weren't interested in becoming more in the end. Now you feel like you only used him for the sole purpose of getting over Frank. 

“I’m so, so sorry Mark” you can only say feebly as he looks at you, still furious. You can’t even hold in the humorless laugh that fights its way out of your mouth when you realize what happened. “ _ Jesus… _ I'm no better than him… keeping you at arm’s length the  _ second  _ things heat up instead of confiding in you or even Sandra… maybe I wouldn’t have been such a mess or made you all worry like this if I had…  _ fuck _ , I'm such an idiot” you close your eyes briefly as you let in sink in.

When you open them again to look at Mark, his frown has turned confused. So you walk up to him slowly and wrap your arms around his middle in a tight hug. Mark freezes for just a second before he folds his own arms around you and hugs you back. You hear him sigh deeply and then he puts a jaw against your temple. 

“I understand that you can’t tell me everything, okay? I was just so worried when I kept seeing the anguish you were carrying around with you all the time and when you started avoiding me and still didn't contact me after you said you would…” he trails off but you know how he feels. Looks like Frank kind of rubbed off on you in some way after all.

“You deserve so much better than the shitty friend I’ve been to you” you mumble into his shoulder dejectedly.

“Shut up! I know you're going through something difficult. It doesn't make you a bad friend” he defends you kindly and you groan in exasperation.

“Could you stop being so understanding for one second? I don’t even know if I feel better or worse when you do stuff like that” you complain sulkily to which Mark has the gall to laugh brightly. 

Hearing him laugh like this again though, makes you smile against his shoulder and you squeeze him tightly once more before letting go of him. Mark releases you and you find him still smiling merrily at you when you look back into his face. 

You roll your eyes but grin back.

“I’m truly sorry though… I was so deep in my head and obsessed with finding out what happened to Pete that I disconnected completely with the rest” you apologize honestly and Mark just nods and smiles in acceptance, waiting. Because like always, he knows there’s something else coming. 

You take a small breath. 

“I can’t go into any details but Pete is fine… well… not fine…not yet... he’s been in a terrible” you get stuck on the next word for a second but finally opt to go for “accident… he nearly didn't make it and he’s been in hospital for over a month already” you wince as you’re about to say more because you had nearly two weeks to tell Mark that you found Frank and you hadn’t, too relieved to think about anything, anyone else. What a terrible friend you are indeed. “I found out two weeks ago?” you can’t help finishing the sentence like a question, tone pleading for forgiveness. 

Mark, whose eyes had grown large in shock at the news, does groan when he realizes for how long you have known already and sighs your name in exasperation. 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” you babble but he just waves your words away and rolls his eyes.

“Is he going to make a full recovery? From your tone, I get it’s very serious” he wants to know instead.

“I think so, I… haven't been able to go see him but a close friend of his keeps me updated every week or so… she hasn't said anything on that part so, I guess he will, and… Pete is a tough guy he…” you sigh. “He’s been badly injured before and always came back from it”

Mark nods thoughtfully. “He apparently lives a pretty dangerous life for a guy in construction, huh?”

You don’t say anything to that, like so often when Mark is so spot on.

Mark huffs out a laugh and shakes his head, probably thinking the same thing.

“And you’re sure you’re only a Café owner?” he jokes lightly and this time you snort in amusement.

“Well, some people are addicted to coffee so…” you make a false ‘considering’ face which has Mark bark out a sharp laugh that ends in a low chuckle. 

“I missed you” he finally confesses fondly and your heart squeezes at his words. 

“It might not have felt like this to you, but I missed you too” you answer fervently, earning you a pleased private smile.

“Let me know how his health improves, okay? I don’t care what he really does because he seemed like a genuinely good guy and if you love him, then he can’t be all bad, right?” 

Your heart is brimming with emotions at his kind words. 

“I will” you promise and at Mark’s pointed stare, you laugh loudly and hit his chest. “I  _ will _ !”

Satisfied with this answer, he walks out of your office with you right behind him so you can take care of his order while he has a coffee in the front and talks to Michelle. 

When he leaves a little time later, he puts fifty dollars deliberately slowly into the tipping jar, giving you a look clearly saying : ‘I dare you to say something’.

You don’t. And at his solemn “For Pete”, you feel a rush of fondness and tenderness so intense for this man, that tears spring to your eyes. Mark winks sweetly, saying goodbye to everyone and you can only wave as he walks out the door. This man is truly incredible.

  
  


~ 

  
  


Two weeks after you’ve heard from Karen for the last time, you’re taking care of the ice-cream display and filling in various trays with freshly done ice cream, the trays emptying at an alarming rate considering the heat of late August. You don’t remember the last time it had rained and the streets are nearly unwalkable because of the burning asphalt. It sometimes feels like the soles of your light sandals are going to melt right off if you stay on the streets for too long. The breath of relief most of your customers take whenever they enter the air conditioned coffee house, like it’s some kind of small oasis, always makes you want to smile. The coffee selling has slowed down a bit obviously but people are very fond of your variety of Frapuccino, fresh watermelon and cantaloupe Slurpees and of course, of your ice cream. The, as called by Frank and Mark, weird ones have had a lot of success as well as the regular ones. Ha! You would have to tell Mark next time you see him. This time it had been a lemon infused ricotta, with lemon rind and fresh mint leaves concoction. Very refreshing and fragrant.

You just finished ringing up a pair of parents with two children, all four of them happily slurping away at either Slurpees or ice cream as they leave, when Karen steps up to the counter.

The second you see her, your heart is in your throat. Why is she here? She only called you last time to update you. Is something wrong with Frank? Is this why she’s here? 

Your panic must register on your face because her eyes grow large for a second in realization at what her presence must inspire in you right now and then hastily shakes her head, raising her hands reassuringly. You sag slightly in relief and berate yourself that your brain immediately went to the worst. This whole thing with Frank has kind of taken a toll on your way of perceiving things. You’re used to being way more relaxed and positive about life in general. 

“I’m sorry” you breathe exasperated. “I didn't mean to make you feel bad by coming here”

“Don’t worry, I understand, I'm sorry I didn't warn you” she counters with her usual sweet smile.

“Don’t be… You’re totally welcome here, with or without telling me… I promise I'm way better company usually” you go for humor, because your reactions are a bit ridiculous right now.

Karen chuckles and looks up at your array of drinks.

“Jeez, that’s a lot of choice” her eyebrows raise as she runs her eyes over the boards and then the tins and boxes on the wall behind you.

“Take your time” you laugh. 

“You know what, just make me the most ridiculous thing you have, yeah? Surprise me but… could you make it cold? The distance between here and the office nearly killed me” she complains jovially, making you laugh again.

“Sure. You can go sit down while I prepare it” you suggest, already turning away with an idea of what you’re going to make her.

“If you have a little time for me, we could chat for a bit… I’ve been to the hospital yesterday” her expression says there’s more to what she just said. 

You gaze at her for a small second before nodding in agreement. “Sure. You can choose where you wanna sit and I'll join you when I'm done” 

She agrees and walks off to one of the tables for two at the back.

When you’re done making the most decadent mocha Frapuccino, complete with unsweetened whipped cream to break the sweetness of the coffee and peeked your head through the kitchen door to inform Sandra you're taking a few minutes off in case she ends up looking for you, you head to the table Karen is sitting at and going over a file as she waits for you.

“There you go” you put the tall glass in front of her and sit down to face her. 

“Oh wow!” she intones when she sees the drink, putting the file away and making you smirk in amusement. You refrained from making something over the top with too many toppings or too many kinds of syrups, preferring to go for intense taste instead. “Thanks, that looks promising” 

You watch her intently as she takes a long pull from the two straws and wait for her reaction. 

She swallows, then immediately takes another pull, looking up at you in amazement just after.

“Oh my God, it’s delicious! What's the name so I know what to order next time” she enthuses and takes another swallow. 

You give her the name of the drink through a happy laugh. 

“No wonder Frank came here all the time” Karen comments after a moment of comfortable silence.

“How is he?” you ask as the mood shifts a bit after her comment.

“Much better compared to the end of last month… The swelling to his head is pretty much gone but it’s still bruised… The doctors say that even if he doesn't feel pain anymore, the greenish color it has now is going to last for another few months... They also lessened the amount of medication he got until now and he can walk around a bit more but they don’t want him to do it too much… We both know he would over do himself like always and just hurt himself again” she sighs in slight exasperation and you agree strongly. “We then had a long interesting chat about you two” you groan at her pointed look. 

“Karen-”

“Why didn't you tell me he loves you too?” she asks with intent, startling you into silence.

You stare at each other for a second before you sigh and close your eyes briefly.

“He said this?" you question in turn, tone skeptical.

"He didn't" Karen admits but then she chuckles lightly. "I actually figured it out the same way I did with you…” you snort lightly through your nose, because of course she had, but you stay quiet, waiting for her to continue. You can’t help being curious about what Frank had said about this whole thing. Karen stares at you, contemplating you, but not unkindly. “I think it’s easy to say that Frank knows how to keep things from people, even from those he cares most about…” she finally starts slowly. “So it doesn’t surprise me that I never considered the fact that he could be seeing someone for that long without me noticing… But the second I said your name…” and this time she looks amused, smiling warmly. “I don’t remember seeing him react so strongly to the mention of someone’s name… In a bad way? Of course, but with you? I could immediately see the conflict in his eyes. He started flipping out like why would I know about you? Did something happen to you?... I was actually positively shocked at how much he obviously cares about you... He cares about so few people, you know, and when I told him what happened, that you’d come to find out about his disappearance, how scared you were for him… he visibly relaxed when he understood you’re okay but got angry at himself for making you worry and that you shouldn’t even care anymore… that you deserved better…” she looks both sad and aggravated at the same time when she says this and you can relate so much. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she repeats after a beat.

You lick your lips which have gone dry at everything you just heard and shrug dismissively.

“Because it didn't matter… it  _ doesn’t _ matter… it’s never mattered to him, Karen… he put me up on some kind of ridiculous pedestal, saying how he’s not good enough, how I deserve better…  _ Jesus,  _ he even suggested I should date someone else in the hopes I would forget about him, so I wouldn’t fall for him, except I already had... that’s why I asked for a time off… because like I said before, he prefers fighting in some kind of war instead if trying to find peace… with or without me” you fall silent after this new angry, frustrated rant. You hadn’t planned on bringing this all up again, but it always came back to this in the end. You know your feelings for Frank are still the same. You realized this the day you found out what happened. You had deluded yourself into thinking things were going fine and your feelings were lessening. But you had only numbed them. You’d learned to live with them. Compartmentalizing. But they are just as strong as they have always been. 

Karen sighs deeply, sadly.

“I figured as much… he said some things around these lines and to say I was angry would be downplaying it a lot… He mentioned he’d attacked you the last time you were together and he’s scared he'll do it again” she watches you, waiting for a form of confirmation and you want to scream in frustration, scream at his hangups. 

“I can’t believe he’s still worrying about this… this man, I swear…  _ god _ , he can make me so  _ damn  _ mad sometimes, it’s unbelievable…  _ Yes _ ! Yes he attacked me” you make harsh quotation marks at the word attacked “ but a) he was sleeping and just came back from his mission and I woke him up in  _ not  _ a smart way and b) he didn’t hurt me! He surprised me, but I wasn’t scared… I’ve never  _ once  _ been scared of Frank. So if we’re talking about taking the blame, then it should be my fault because I startled him like an idiot when it was clear something was up…”

To your surprise, Karen is staring at you with a warm smile, like she’s happy about something and draws from the straw again, humming in contentment. 

“You would be good for him” she states, voice steady but intense, like it’s a fact. She looks at her glass, a private smile on her lips before she looks at you again. “I told him he’s an idiot for throwing something so good away… that it’s pretty obvious you’d love him no matter what he does and that he still has a choice… a chance to be happy again… But I don’t know if I got through to him though… he was pretty pissed by the end and didn’t say anything until I left” 

You can feel yourself blushing slightly at how highly she thinks of you if she had told Frank to choose you. You do think you get along fairly well, you like her a lot. She’s honest and fair and simply just such a kind person. Still, from her, this is high praise. It means she trusts you and you’re so thankful for it.

“I…” she rendered you speechless apparently but she simply finishes her drink as you try to organize your thoughts. 

“Only time will tell, I guess” Karen tries for a lighter mood as she reaches across the table to squeeze one of your hands briefly. 

You sigh heavily and nod. “I don’t want to force him into anything and he knows it… I don’t want him to make a choice he won’t be able to live with”

“And I think you should believe in yourself a bit more” Karen says pointedly but graciously.

You huff a small laugh, touched by her thoughtful words and give her a small nod. 

Karen leaves not long after that with the renewed promise to keep you updated on Frank’s health. 

The rest of the day passes in a blur of activity and this time you don’t forget to text Mark to let him know about Frank. You can tell by his words that he’s both happy about you texting him and about Frank’s healing. But by the end of the day, you don’t really know how to feel. You’re proud that Karen considers you good for Frank, but you don’t know if her opinion will mean anything to him. Sometimes outside opinions can help shine light on an, otherwise, unsolvable situation, but you’re not sure it applies to you and Frank.

  
  


~

By the start of September, you've talked to Karen twice again, once over the phone and once over coffee again. You had of course talked about Frank, but stayed away from your relationship with him as much as possible and talked more about her work and more personal stuff. The more you talk to her and the more you realize how much you like her. You really hope you'll be able to be friends, with or without Frank being the main topic of your meetings.

You had also invited Mark to another bistro a few districts away from yours. They apparently served kind of the same food as him. He had been so happy at your invitation so you told yourself firmly to never let this man down again. His friendship and the man in himself mean too much to you. The evening had been a huge success with the both of you laughing like idiots while taking apart everything that was wrong with this bistro. Admittedly, you had seen that it doesn't have the best ratings on various platforms but you hadn’t expected it to be that bad. The food had been terrible and the service slow but you’d had one of the best evenings in a good while, so it hadn’t mattered at all.

A couple of evenings later, you’re sitting in one of your armchairs, wearing only your sleeping shorts and a thin tank top, because A/C or not, it was still too hot even at past ten in the evening. You’re going over some of your more recent email exchanges with Davis, the man still being careful and polite like the last two times you had seen him and you’re thinking about ordering more of their most recent additions to their coffee beans selection.

You’re about to reply to their offer, when there’s a sharp succession of knocks at your door, making you jump in surprise at the unexpected noise. 

Immediately your heart starts hammering in your chest, your breathing coming faster and faster as the seconds go by, making you nearly hyperventilate as you stare at the door, rooted to your chair. 

You swallow hard through a suddenly dry throat and rise slowly to your shaking legs. It’s actually your whole body that’s shaking like crazy. 

Because you know. It has to be. At this time. There can only be…

You manage to get to the door, resting your hands against it and taking a deep breath. 

You lean slightly forward until you can look through the peephole.

The breath you had been unconsciously holding leaves you in a rush when you recognize the face on the other side. 

You open the door, the hand on the door handle trembling even worse now and slide it inward.

His hair is a bit longer all over his head, curling a bit here and there. His beard is longer too, by far not as long as when he was still hiding though, and it looks like he recently shortened it a bit. But it looks good on him. You can see the slightly green cast of a bruise on the left side of his head, just over his ear, vanishing in his hair and reaching his jaw. There are already healed scratches over the same jaw but otherwise his face looks fine. Tired, but fine. 

He’s wearing a dark grey t-shirt, spanning over his large chest and stomach and you notice he lost a bit of weight, which is unsurprising considering the amount of time he spent in hospital. There are two compresses on his right arm, which you suspect to be for some of the bullet wounds and you gulp uneasily at their sight.

The dark denims he’s wearing hide all the damage you know lies underneath and you absently wonder how he can bare wearing such a heavy material in this heat. 

And then there are his eyes. His eyes which had locked with yours the second you had opened the door and not looked away. There is so much in them as you stare wordlessly at each other.

God, you realize in that moment how much you had longed to see him again, how much you had missed him, how much you still love him, no matter what choices he made. 

"You haven't changed your code" is the first thing he says, voice so rough and apprehensive, like he doesn’t know what to expect from you.

"I changed it back" you barely get out and the small expression of relief that crosses his face is what makes you propel yourself forward. 

Frank catches you, taking the brunt of your momentum with his chest and promptly grunts in pain.

You gasp in shock against him when you realize how stupid you are at throwing yourself into his arms like this when he’s obviously still recovering. 

You’re about to move away, an ashamed apology on your lips, but Frank wraps his arms around you tightly, one arm around your waist and the other on your neck, fingers in your hair. 

“’m fine” he rumbles soothingly against your temple and for once you want to believe him, so you wrap your arms around him slowly but you don’t dare squeeze him either. You just keep them loosely around his waist, simply staying in a close embrace, right there in the middle of your corridor.

You both release sighs of relief at being able to hold each other like this again. 

“I missed you” you freeze at his words, so shocked at his admission and then lift your head from where you had rested it against his neck to breathe him in.

You look into his eyes, so full of unreadable emotions. You lift your hands to his face to slowly trace your thumbs over his cheekbones, fingers cupping his bearded jaw. 

“I missed you too” you answer just as honestly and pull his head to yours to rest your foreheads together, both your eyes closing.

You then bend your head to the side and kiss him softly on one cheek and step out of his arms gently.

You catch his left hand though and tug him gently inside your home. 

You let go of him once you’re back inside and close the door, locking it. 

When you turn back to Frank, he’s staring at you so intently you can barely take it. So you decide to just go with your feelings and walk back right into his space, Frank already welcoming your approach. You slide your fingers into the same position as before, cradling his jaw and kiss him with everything you’ve got. And the second your lips touch again after so many months without it, you feel how much you missed this, how much you still want this, how much you need this. The kiss is fast and desperate, teeth clashing and tongues slipping in and out of each other's mouths relentlessly. One of your arms wraps around his shoulders, the hand fisting in the material of his shirt and the other goes into his hair. You pour all the anger and frustration as well as all the love and need you have ever felt for him into it. And Frank just responds in kind, arms so tight around you, one hand at your nape, squeezing on and off reflexively. 

You kiss and kiss and kiss until you feel drained. Drained of all the feelings you had bottled up during all those months without him and even before. When the kiss finally ends, you stay locked in each other's arms for a long time, just breathing each other’s air, foreheads together again.

After a while, you slowly disentangle yourself from him, throwing him a gentle smile as you do so.

“You want to drink something?” you offer as you already start walking to your kitchen. 

You know you have a lot to talk about, and now that the urgency and the shock of his return has tampered down a bit, you want at least to create good conditions for what's to come.

“I'd kill for one of your coffees right now” Frank admits with passion, making you chuckle under your breath. Some things never change. 

“Are you even allowed to have coffee?” you arch an eyebrow and throw him a skeptical look.

“I didn' get no coffee for nearly three months, sweetheart, so ‘m gonna have one, whatever the docs say” he answers determinately.

You roll your eyes, hard, because of course he'd say that, but you still comply and turn around to get the coffee he prefers and put the beans in the grinder. Frank remains quiet behind you while you busy yourself with the preparations.

With the coffee now brewing, you turn around and lean against the kitchen counter with your hands gripping the edge beside your hips. You look at Frank searchingly.

“You know we can't go back to how things were before, right?” you express, voice turning a bit lower at the seriousness of the topic.

“Yeah…” he stares at you, then looks down and back at you from under his lashes, one hand at the back of his neck.

“For what it matters, I still love you” you confess and he looks down shyly, nodding silently. You smile softly at how adorable he looks with this expression and bite your lip. At least he doesn't berate you for your feelings like he would have before.

The coffee machine beeps behind you, cutting you off in what you were about to say, to indicate it finished its job, so you turn to it to collect the cup under it. 

You walk slowly up to Frank, who stayed at the threshold between kitchen and living room, and hand him his coffee. 

“Thanks” he takes it gratefully and takes a long sip of it, groaning in appreciation, going as far as closing his eyes from it. You actually laugh near silently and give his right hand, the one not holding the cup, a quick squeeze. 

You indicate for him to follow you as you go to your couch. You close your laptop that you put down on the coffee table when you stood up earlier and sit down on the couch. Frank takes the spot next to you but leaves a small space between you two. Just as well. You know that the following minutes aren’t going to be the easiest or the most pleasant, but you have to talk if you want to go forward, together or not.

“Right… I’m going to take advantage of you drinking your coffee to talk… and I’d like for you to not say anything, okay? Just to listen” you stare at Frank intently, who nods in understanding. 

“Okay… So…” you take a steadying breath. “No matter what our relationship is going to be, you already know it but I'll just say it again. I'll never pressure you into anything and I will always respect the choices you make… but I refuse that you take away  _ my _ choice or make them  _ for _ me… what you did with Mark… it was disrespectful to both of us and I hated it, I still do… It didn't work and I hurt this incredible man by playing into it… I'm lucky he's as understanding and kind as he is, because I at least got a wonderful friend out of your shitty idea and my stupid decisions… he even worried about you when I told him you were injured" Frank stays quiet as promised but he looks down at his cup, contrite. "And I  _ refuse _ for you to try and make me not love you, no matter what you think about yourself. You don't get to do that, okay? My feelings are my own and if I respect yours, I expect the same from you…” you make a small pause to take note of his expression, but Frank only nods heavily and looks you straight in the eyes earnestly. “You also have to let me make my one mistakes, let me learn from them. I understand where you come from and I know it comes from a good place. I know it’s your way of protecting and caring for the people you care about. I know it and Karen knows it too. But you need to let us fight for ourselves. You don't need and can’t protect me all the time, or from everything. You need to understand that I can take care of myself and that I sometimes don't want your help. Just like with Davis. I know you wanted to help and I appreciate it, I do, but it could have gone so wrong. What if he decided to stop working with me because he got too scared of any kind of repercussions his behavior could have? I don’t know if you even thought about it at the time” Frank frowns and looks to the side, obviously thinking about that information and it confirms he hadn’t thought that far, only seeking to make sure Davis didn't keep being an asshole to you. You can’t help but smile fondly and take his free hand in yours, making Frank look down at your joined hands and turn his in yours so that your fingers link together, squeezing them tightly, not enough to hurt, but to express his feelings.

“I’m sorry” he finally speaks after you remained quiet for a while, gazing up at you with sorrowful eyes. “I did a lot o’ thinkin’ wen I was lying in tha’ fuckin’ hospital bed… only thin’ I could do, right?” he sighs long and deep, clearly frustrated. “At first I tried not to… but then Karen met you and she gave me a right talkin’ to, y’know” he chuckles fondly at the memory and you can easily picture Karen pissed and talking at him angrily. “I know I did some fucked up shit n’ I regret hurtin’ you like I did… it’s no excuse, I know, but I can’t think straight when it comes to you, so I end up doin’ some stupid shit ‘cause…” he takes a deep breath “because I love you so fuckin’ much, Sweetheart, so much it  _ hurts  _ and the only thin’ I can think ‘bout is how I don’ want you to get hurt  _ because _ of it… ‘cause once I let you in… I'm gonna be one selfish bastard and I'll never wanna let you go… I dunno if I can do it… if I'm capable anymore… I dunno if I can leave this  _ war _ , as you said, behind me… it’s what I’ve become” he stares sadly at your still linked fingers.

“I don’t want you to let me go, Frank. Can't you see this?” you insist, voice pleading.

“I dunno if I can be the man I once was, the man before Afghanistan, before all tha’ shit” he rasps dejectedly.

“I'm not asking you to be the man you were before... This one belongs to your wife and your kids… and I'm certain he was amazing... But I fell in love with the man you are now. I don't want anyone else but... Remember when you told me you would die for me? I know you would. Without a doubt. And I would do anything for you as well. But what I need more than anything from you right now is for you to stop throwing yourself into situations and not take your own  _ life  _ into account, like living or dying doesn’t matter to you… I  _ need  _ you to want to live for me… for yourself… for us” you say forcefully, trying to get it all across, with all your heart.

Frank looks at you in wonder, expression so unguarded for the first time since you've known him. You can see the turmoil in his eyes. And you see the moment he finally accepts your words.

At fucking last. 

You don’t know what he’ll decide, but at least he accepts both your feelings. You would have to see in time. You are willing to take the risk and hopefully so will he. For now, you have been able to talk things out. You think that it’s quite enough for one day. And it’s already late. 

You sit together for a little while, still holding hands, enjoying the peace after all those emotions finally laid bare.

You look at the cup in Frank’s hand and laugh lightly. He barely drank from it in the end.

“You wanna finish it?” you ask and incline your hand towards the cup.

Frank follows your gaze and takes a tentative sip. He grimaces.

“Cold?” you laugh, to which Frank grunts in confirmation.

“Here” you take it from him and let go of his hand to stand up and return the cup to the kitchen and pour the content in the sink, putting the cup in the dishwasher just after.

When you turn around, Frank is once again behind you, just a few feet away from you. You want to smile so hard but refrain because you don’t want to make him self-conscious. He acts like he doesn't want to be too far away from you.

Instead you walk back to him, stopping a few steps away and look at him, contemplating what you want to happen. One thing is certain, you don’t want him to leave.

So you press your lips into a thin line before you start talking.

“Stay?” it’s the only word you finally get out. It says enough you think and by the way Frank reacts to it, he feels the same about it.

“Yeah” he nods in small decisive movements.

“Okay, good…” you breathe in happy relief. “You wanna head to bed? Um… I” you start babbling but Frank finally closes the small distance between you and kisses you softly, just a warm press of lips on yours. 

“Bed is fine” he whispers against your lips and you nod dazedly. 

“Right… I’ll just clean up a bit and we can go” you don’t suggest for him to go ahead and wash up or anything because you know he won’t want to leave your side. 

Frank watches you lazily putz around for the few minutes it takes you to clean away a few dishes and throw on the dishwasher.

Once you’re done, you give Frank a small smile and can’t help thinking about how ridiculous you are to feel so shy, like this is the first time you are going to be together, when you already know each other so well. But at the same time, you also know everything is different from all the other times.

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is coming later today, I promise... I'm still proofreading the end and my daughter is calling for me right now ;)  
> As for how I imagine Frank here, it's pretty much how he looks in Pilgrimage. I loved his curly hair. And the beard? I'm a beard lover, that's all you gotta know and Jon Bernthal wears it so, so well


	5. ...But you're perfect enough for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooh that's it guys, we finally got to the end!  
> I'm taking this moment to thank everyone who has taken the time to read through this entier series, everyone who left kudos and those of you who left such wonderful comments. You all know who you are. You are amazing!  
> Boy what a ride this was... It started way differently in my head actually and I didn't really know how to end it, but as I started really writing it, it got longer and deeper than I had ever expected...  
> Now for this last part... it's actually mostly loads of porn with a good amount of feelings added to it... Because as I said before, this whole series started because I wanted to write down and share the fantasies I have about this beautiful man and because I really enjoy writing this and I hope you all enjoy it too.  
> One scene in particular came to me after an exchange with Neatmonster because we apparently have a shared kink. So I hope she'll recognize what I mean ;)

Frank follows you into your bedroom and stays at the foot of the bed as you switch on the bedside lamp and then walk into your dressing room. You quickly get him the spare t-shirt you kept for him, forgoing the sweatpants because it’s way too hot for them and join him again. 

“I’m already done for the night so if you wanna use the bathroom, you can go ahead” you let Frank know as you hand him the shirt. 

He nods quickly and does so, but surprisingly leaves the shirt on the bed, so you sit on the side you usually sleep on when you share the bed with him and wait, legs pulled up against your chest. 

It doesn’t take long for Frank to come out and when he exists, he walks up to the bed but stops at the foot of it again. You notice his jaw is set, the muscle springing reflexively as he tightens and releases it. He looks down at his feet and then back to you and then to the shirt you put on his side. You frown and are about to ask what’s wrong, when he walks up the bed until he's at your level. You unfold your legs from their position and sit so you’re facing him, waiting for him to say or do something. 

When he finally grabs the neck of his shirt and pulls it over his head, you finally understand what he’s doing. You will yourself to stay as impassive as possible as his body is revealed, as he makes the choice to let you in further by laying himself bare in front of you.

He still looks powerful, but he’s slightly thinner. But that doesn’t even really register. You know it’s been months and you haven’t seen him at his worst just after the attack, but his midriff is still looking bruised in places, you can tell that his ribs have suffered some big damage and there are four gauze covered spots on his right shoulder, stomach and left hip. You obviously can’t see what’s underneath them, but you’ve seen his old bullet wounds, so you can only imagine too well.

Frank watches you intently, waiting for your reaction but you just look back steadily. Showing him you aren’t looking away, you’re here to stay. When he still doesn’t move, you slide to the other side to join him and stand before him. You let your eyes slowly make their way from his hips to his face silently and then just as slowly, you lift your hands to his shoulders and lightly rest them there. When he still stays quiet, you let them carefully slide down his arms, over the compresses there, then back up to his chest, trailing your fingers gently over every covered injury and stop at his sides, palms just hovering, barely touching him.

“How much does it hurt?” you want to know, your voice barely above a whisper.

You can feel Frank’s gaze on you but you don’t look up, waiting for his reply.

“Still bit sore… still can’t do too much… sleepin’s been a fuckin’ bitch, I can tell ya” he grumbles and you recognize the frustration in his tone. He must have been like a lion in a cage in the hospital. You pity the poor nurses and other staff that had to take care of an angry, frustrated and bored Frank Castle.

“This hurt?” you put your palms fully on him but don’t apply more pressure.

“‘m not made outta glass, Darlin’” Frank snorts and you want to slap him. You refrain, but only just and throw him an unimpressed look instead. This earns you a small smile though and you roll your eyes. 

“I just don’t want to hurt you, you jerk” you grouse as you slide your fingers to the wound at his hip. 

He lifts his left arm and slides his fingers into the hair at the base of your neck, tilting your head back to his. “You won’t” he rumbles before kissing you softly, tenderly. You sigh into the kiss, letting your eyes slip shut as you kiss him back, circling his waist loosely.

There’s no tongue this time, just your lips gliding together gently. 

Frank breaks the kiss and then stares at you as he removes his hands from your body to go to his pants. You nod, motioning for him to go ahead. 

He kicks off his shoes and opens his jeans quickly, then pulls them off, although he grunts at the strain it puts on his sides when he bends over a bit to remove them completely and then finally stands only clad in his dark boxer shorts.

When Karen told you his legs took the worst of the gunshots, she hadn’t been kidding. You don’t count them, because it makes you queasy and you don’t want Frank to question his idea of showing you everything, but both legs are covered with several compresses and bandages, the skin around some of them still looking rather sore and painful. 

You look up into his face again and you can’t help the anger that bubbles up in you again at the proof of his reckless attitude. 

“You are such a  _ fucking  _ idiot… going in alone against all of them…  _ Jesus _ , Frank… that’s  _ exactly  _ what I was talking about… it’s so obvious you didn’t put any thought into your own survival when you went in… and I need you to care about yourself… it’s maybe selfish of me but I hate the fact that I nearly lost you because you  _ just didn’t care _ … it made, still makes me, so,  _ so  _ mad… I-”

“I know, Sweetheart” Frank admits somberly and wraps you in his arms. That’s when you notice the tremor in your voice and the moistness in your eyes. You take in a deep, calming breath against his neck and exhale slowly, trying to compose yourself again. “I know” he repeats soothingly.

You sigh and push gently away from him, kissing one corner of his lips and turn to the bed to get the spare shirt. 

“Let’s get some sleep, okay?” you hand it to him and he agrees wordlessly. 

You uncover the bed and slip under the light sheets, turning on your side so you’re facing him. 

Frank is still standing near the bed and looking down at the shirt. He finally discards it, putting it on the bedside table and slides in beside you. 

When he turns on his side to face you as well, you look at him with concern. 

“Doesn’t it hurt your ribs like that?” 

“‘m good, don’ worry, if it hurts, I’ll just lay on my back, alright?” he reassures you with a half smile. “Just wanna stay like this for a while” he grabs you around your waist and tugs you towards him. You get the message and move into his embrace, so that your neck is over his left arm as he extends it the width of the bed, your head on the pillow above it. 

You know sleep isn’t going to come easily tonight as you both watch each other silently, peacefully, so you refrained from turning off the lights completely. Frank strokes his right arm over your side, up and down in a slow caress. He strays up to your neck and into your hair at times before resuming his touches to your side. You smile softly as he does so, the fingers of your arm you’re lying on, stroke his chest in the limited space you have and the left ones are at his neck and hair, carding through his beard with some soft scratches Frank rumbles into like a big cat, enjoying them a lot as he closes his eyes in contentment. 

“I like the beard” you run a thumb over the corser hair affectionately.

Frank just rumbles again and smiles a bit, opening his eyes again to gaze at you, his caresses never stopping.

You keep your hand on his face, not daring stroking lower for now in case you hurt him. 

Frank’s fingers find their way underneath your tank top pretty quickly then, raising goosebumps on your flesh despite the warmth in the room. But it has nothing to do with temperature. 

His eyes travel around your face, from your eyes down to your lips, staying there always longer. 

His hand reaches behind your back and into your shorts, stroking over the curve of your ass and then back under the top, going to the front and tickling them teasingly under your breasts. 

Your eyes fall shut at some point because you have to open them again to stare at Frank both heatedly and reproachfully. 

“You’re driving me crazy here, Frank, stop it” you pant, your faces just a few inches away. 

“Missed touchin’ you like this, babygirl… hearin’ you, watchin’ you… fuck! You’re so fuckin’ beautiful like this… and I drives  _ me  _ crazy to be able to do that” he growls as his hand finally moves over you breasts and tweaks one hardened nipple teasingly. 

You gasp and moan. Jeez, it had been so long since you’d been so turned on and you don’t even remember the last time you touched yourself. Had it really been so long? Could it be that it had actually been with Frank the last time? His disappearance obviously put a damper on your libido but before that? You really can’t remember. The only thing you know is that you’re getting increasingly wetter with his every caress but you also know he isn’t fit enough to do anything, so this is pure torture right now and you tell him as much, tone sulky.

“Can’t move much but…” and he reaches down your shorts and between your legs which you part slightly for him as he slides his middle finger against your clit, making you arch your back inward. “I can definitely do this” you moan wantonly at the delicious pressure and Frank growls when he hears you. “Ge’ these off” he commands roughly, removing his hand from between your legs and tugs at your shorts. “And this too” he indicates your top.

You comply as fast as you can, kicking the sheets and the shorts off and throwing them behind you, the top joining them a few seconds later.

Frank hums in satisfaction and grabs the leg that lies on top and puts it over his right hip, so that your knee and calf are over his thigh. 

You’re about to ask about his injuries but Frank beats you to it with a firm “‘m fine, Sweetheart, believe me” and pulls you forward with his left hand in your hair and kisses you soundly until you melt against him.

He trails his fingers down your body so slowly, from clavicle over your breasts, to your belly button until he finally reaches you dripping folds again. He circles your clit with a feather like touch, making you buck your hips forward to get more, but he then moves lower and dips his middle finger inside you to the first two knuckles. You groan, it’s good but nowhere near enough but you'd take anything he'll give you right now.

“Jesus, babygirl, already so wet for me… Fuck, love how you respond to me… always so fuckin’ willin’... Takin’ all I give ya, huh?” Frank rasps reverently against your lips and then angles his face down to look at where his fingers are. 

“Don’t stop” you command on a whimper. Or plead? You don’t care, you want, need more.

You open your eyes again when you feel Frank’s head moving to its previous position, to find his own eyes fully dark with arousal, breath fast against your lips. 

“Never gonna stop” he vows and starts alternating between rubbing over your aching clit and dipping inside you, fucking you like this for a few seconds before resuming his earlier strokes. 

His right hand might not be his dominant hand but holy shit, he certainly knows how to work you with it anyway. 

You stare at each other through heavy lidded eyes, exchanging languid kisses now and then, Frank whispering words of praise and filth in regular intervals. 

“Could do this all day, fuckin’ you with my fingers, gettin’ you all slippery ‘n wet, makin’ you scream and beg for more… fuck… hearin’ you come undone for me… so beautiful, always so beautiful and you want to be mine… ‘m such a lucky bastard, ain’t I… findin’ you”

It’s nearly unbearable, his words strumming you higher and higher, arousal and love overlying with each other. 

You finally decide to move your free hand down his body, taking care not to apply pressure where you shouldn’t, but Frank slips his hand free from between your legs and grabs your wrist, fingers sticky against it.

“Don’t” he warns, staring at you darkly and you give him a flat look for it.

“If you start again with your bullshit selfless shit about not getting-” you grouse annoyed but Frank talks over you.

“Oh trust me, there’s nothin’ selfless ‘bout this… ’s the most selfish thin’ I've done in a while… ‘cause if you touch me right now, injured or not, I'm gonna push you down on that mattress and fuck you ‘til you scream… and I ain’t goin’ back to that fuckin’ hospital”

You stare at him, beyond turned on, and something in you desperately wants to see him lose control  _ so _ much. Because it’s a heady thought to know you'd be responsible for it. But you won’t.

“So just lemme touch you and keep your pretty hands to yerself if you know wha's good… for me” he grins widely at the end, so you put your hand back into his hair and crush your lips to his in retaliation.

Frank only chuckles against your mouth and slides his hand back between your legs, pushing two fingers into you for good measure, making you break the kiss to throw your head back and cry out in pleasure.

“Yeah, lemme hear tha’ voice” he growls fiercely. “Lemme hear that sweet voice” 

He fucks you slowly but oh so deeply and rubs the pad of his thumb over your throbbing clit with steady pressure, making your whimper and moan, nearly delirious with pleasure. It still amazes you at times how really good he is with his hands, his rhythm never falters and you can already feel the rise of your upcoming climax. It seems to never take too long with Frank but it has been so long for you and your reunion only makes it all that much sweeter. 

Frank seems to sense it because he makes tighter circles around the little bundle of nerves, pressing on it hard, making you keen.

“Oh, oh, oh” you chant as the heat rises always steadily.

“Yeah, that’s it… show me… show me… fuck… wanna see you come so bad… look at me” he commands and your eyes, closed in bliss, snap open to stare into his wild, aroused ones. “Wanna see your face when you come on my fingers, Sweetheart, wanna see it all” he rumbles as his eyes switch between both of yours and your gasping, spit wet lips. 

You can only nod, and breathe short, desperate “Yes, yes, yes”s in the small space between your mouths until Frank’s fingers slip free and his slippery index finger starts drawing faster and faster patterns over your clit.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, Frank, I’m…” you can’t even finish your sentence as the peak is about to hit you so hard.

“Tha’s right… come on Babygirl, come for me, lemme see, lemme feel” and with that he plunges right back, with this time, three fingers deep inside you and your vision whitens as you start screaming in ecstasy, your fingers in his hair gripping tightly, back bowing back slightly, his left hand still in your hair, tugging on it. You want to keep eye contact but the pleasure is too intense so your eyes close automatically. 

Frank guides you gently through your high, fingers only dipping lightly in and out now, then his thumb grazes lazily over your clit, just to make you buck again and hear you mewl desperately. 

You open your eyes slowly, drowsily when he does it again and meet his smug stare. He does it again, using his fingernail this time, making you cry out weakly and you are about to curse at him when he seals your lips together, effectively shutting you up as his tongue finds yours. 

He finally relents, removing his hand from between your legs, the left one now trembling on his hip from the pleasure still running through you. He gently grabs your knee, hand sticky, and lowers your leg back on your other one, never breaking the kiss. 

You keep kissing languidly until your tongues stop entwining and it’s only just a slow slide of wet lips and soft nips, until you stop, lips only grazing as you just breathe together.

You start giggling lightly, still floating on your afterglow and feeling so good and duck your head into the hollow of his neck, your left arm under his right arm and fingers wrapped over his shoulder. 

Frank chuckles at your behavior but doesn't comment, just kisses your head tenderly.

You're about to drift off, when you hear Frank grunt in discomfort and you nearly jump out of his arms.

“Shit, I'm sorry!” you gasp but Frank just rolls to his back and grabs your nearest hand.

“Shh, ‘s alright, Sweetheart. I jus’ need to rest like this a bit… don’ worry, I'm fine” he soothes you, head turned your way. 

You breathe a sigh of relief and nod as you lay down on your side to face him again. 

“Come here” Frank extends his arm again and you slowly go to lie your head on his shoulder, making sure you’re not touching any of his wounds as you get closer to him.

You only sit up quickly to tug the sheets back over your bodies and turn off the light, then lie back down next to him. 

Sleep comes easily now your body is so relaxed and the last conscious thing you hear is Frank’s breaths slowing in slumber. 

Next morning, you’re woken by the early sunlight that shines through your windows. You'd forgotten to close the curtains and are now fiercely regretting this oversight. You turn your head to your alarm clock and groan when you see it’s just past 7. Just when you'd planned on sleeping in and going into work later.

You face the other way again and notice Frank is still asleep next to you, the sight making you smile tenderly. Poor guy probably hadn’t been able to get a good night's sleep at the hospital. Their beds aren’t notorious for their comfort. And your mattress is even more comfortable than most regular ones, so it must be a big change for him. 

His left upper arm is still under your neck and the elbow is bent so that the rest vanishes under the pillow. His other hand lies lightly on his stomach. 

Frank looks so relaxed in his slumber, you can’t help it when your smile widens even more in adoration. 

You take this peaceful moment to look at him fully. The sheets have slid down to your legs during the night so you can look at him to your heart’s content.

You take in all his injuries again, starting at the bruise at his temple that’s just at eye level with you. He didn't seem to complain about it and Karen had told you that it didn't hurt anymore apparently but that the color would stay for a little while longer. 

Then your eyes travel over the different bullet wounds, all hidden by smaller or larger compresses and bandages. You bite your lips when you’re reminded of how close he had come to losing his life. It’s a real miracle none of them hit a vital organ or an artery. You take a deep breath and force your mind to keep going and not to get stuck on what-ifs. You already learned that it’s not good to dwell on the past. So you look at his purple and yellowish sides. You can tell that the color had been worse than what it is right now, but healing nearly all your ribs at the same time can’t be a walk in the park. 

All these wounds would just add to who Frank is and you just hope that he will really learn from his last mission. 

You close your eyes and decide to put this whole story behind you and move on. Hopefully with Frank by your side.

You look up to his face again. His mouth is slightly parted as he breathes evenly, his longer hair a bit mussed from where he had lain on it the previous night and his beard could use a slight combing through. You want to kiss him so badly right now, you can barely hold back. 

You let your eyes go over his body again, but this time omitting the injuries and just taking in his strong shoulders and chest, his tight stomach and the little trail of hair disappearing into his boxers shorts. Boxers shorts that are tenting with his morning wood. 

You groan inaudibly and shake your head at yourself for getting turned on so easily. The man is still recovering and here you are, practically drooling over him and wanting nothing more than to ride him until you both come hard. But that’s not going to happen for a small while and you know it.

As you watch his hidden erection, you bite your lower lip in consideration and look up at his face again. 

Well, there’s something else you can think of that wouldn’t necessitate any unwanted movement from him.

Grinning to yourself and moving slowly, you start leaving light kisses on the shoulder just under your neck, gradually making your way to the junction where his shoulder meets his neck. You feel Frank slowly waking up and the unhurried-ness of it speaks volumes in how much he trusts you. You keep going higher over his neck, sucking lightly here and there until you reach his ear and suck on the lobe teasingly. Frank grunts under you and you feel his jaw working under your mouth.

“Morning” you murmur into his ear before you bite down and tug lightly.

“Shit” Frank’s voice is hoarse from sleep and you love it.

You release his ear and push up on your elbow so you can lean over him a bit and grin impishly as you lock eyes with him. You let the fingers of your other arm slide over his chest and down his stomach, keeping eye contact with him as you stop at the waistband of his boxer shorts, fingers running over it repeatedly.

Frank stares at you, sleep still in his eyes but the hunger is clear inside them as well.

“What d’ya think ya doin’, huh?” his lips are tilted up in a small smirk.

“Just trying to take care of you” you shrug innocently and stroke your index finger over his clothed dick, making it twitch.

“Tha’ right, huh? Very considerate o’ you” he chuckles and the hand that was under you, lifts to run down your nape and travels down to rest on your lower back and the curve of your bare ass.

You shrug like of course, and hum as you lower your face to his again to run your lips over his beard and kiss his cheek before moving lower again, kissing his lips and chin, then licking a broad swipe over his Adam's apple. 

The hand on his hips finally slips inside his underwear and grabs his now fully hard cock.

Frank exhales sharply at the contact and you grin against his chest as you start stroking him within a loose fist.

"How about we even the game and get you naked too, hmm?" you smirk and then lick down his stomach.

Frank just makes an affirmative noise so you kneel up, his hand falling away from you and extricate your hand from the boxers to tug at the sides to help Frank get them off without him moving too much. 

When they're gone, you motion for Frank to spread his legs so you can kneel between them to have better access to the rest of his body. 

You look at him, a glorious warrior spread on your bed, illuminated by the early morning sun, all hard muscles tensed in anticipation to your next move. 

You gently stroke your palms over his thighs, mindful of the wounds and throw him a wicked grin.

Putting your hands to either side of his hips, you lean down to tease a long swipe of your tongue along the underside of his cock, going once from his sack to the tip and then sucking very lightly just underneath the crown. Frank gasps and swears, hips bucking lightly. 

“Stay still” you insist, looking into his eyes as you angle his cock up with one hand and lick and tease at the little bundle of nerves at the crown again with the tip of your tongue.

“Like you stayed still las’ time I went down on ya” he counters with a grumble as he stares back, eyebrows raised sarcastically.

“I didn't risk to hurt myself if I did though” you snark and purposely take the tip between your lips and suck on it hard just when he was about to say something again, effectively cutting him off and making him curse and groan again. 

“You n’ your fuckin’ mouth” he grits through clenched teeth, dark eyes watching you raptly as his hands move to your head, fingers carding through your hair.

You hum in satisfaction and take him deeper, making him hiss and tighten one hand in your hair in retaliation, but you only moan harder for it and Frank’s hips buck again.

You move off once more and bend your head to one side to glide your parted spit slick lips along one side, moving up and down, sucking here and there, then move to the crown again and suckle it languorously, loving the little growls and gasps they get out of Frank. 

You tighten your hold on him a little more and start jerking him off with sure strokes, angling his cock towards your open mouth and poking out your tongue slightly to rub him against it, lifting your eyes to his again to see his expression.

And what a beautiful expression it is. Frank looks completely wrecked and wild, nostrils flaring under his hard breaths, eyes dark and burning with want.

Fuck, but he looks breathtaking. You reposition your knees a bit further apart so you can support yourself on them as you keep one hand on his cock and your other one drifts down between your spread thighs. 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, look at you… fuck” Frank growls reverently as he sees what you’re doing to yourself while you start sucking him again. “The things I wanna do to you right now… shit, you have no idea”

You hum again and release his dick, speaking against it. “Tell me… please” you beg, voice a bit rough from your ministrations, while rubbing your index and middle finger over your swollen clit.

“I… fuck I… I wanna taste you so bad… jus’ throw you on the bed n’ let you wrap your pretty legs aroun’ my head while I make you scream with my tongue… jus’ like las’ time…” Frank rambles on, eyes on you and you nod fervently as you take him back in your mouth again, sucking hard. “Fuck yeah… jus’ like that, Sweetheart… that sweet, perfect mouth… suckin’ me so good, shit... then… I’d turn you around n’ bend you over the bed… your gorgeous ass in the air… n’ jus’ push right inna ya, fuckin’ you so good n’ hard… fuck, you always feel so fuckin’ good ‘round me… you’d like tha’ right?” it’s a simple question but it sounds so desperate as his fingers stroke through your hair adoringly and you can only get out a few muffled but none the less enthusiastic “Mhm, mhm”’s as you suck him down deep, fist flying over his dick and your other fingers rubbing in the same rhythm as you feel yourself building faster and faster at his arousing words.

“Shit, shit… ‘so good, Sweetheart” he praises with a deep groan and then keeps talking. “Shit… wanna feel you ‘round me so bad right now… I love your mouth, you know I do… but fuck… I wanna feel you squeeze ‘round me as I fuck you, wanna feel you come ‘round me, hear you scream ‘cause I made you feel so good…”

You’re forced to remove your mouth from him to gasp and pant against the head at the effect his words have on you. You just manage to keep up the movement of your hand around him, but only just.

“Oh God, yes, yes yes” you moan in bliss and stare up at him with wide eyes. “I want it all, Frank, oh God, I want it all”

“Shit, look at you… wanna see you…” he takes one hand out of your hair and takes himself in hand instead, forcing you to let go of him. “Show me how you make yourself come for me. Come on, Sweetheart, wanna see all of you… wanna see those talented fingers at work”

You can only do as he asks, nodding fervently and rise back up, Frank’s other hand leaving your hair as well, so you're sitting back on your spread knees, exposing yourself and what you're doing to his ravenous gaze.

“Yeah, tha’s it… just like that… fuck, you look so beautiful” Frank rakes his eyes over you in admiration and strokes himself in a tight fist. “Now, show me… come on” he growls, beyond aroused. 

You follow his request and amp up the speed of your finger on your slippery folds. You lift your other hand to your neck and let it trail down your body, pinching at each tight nipple in turn and never looking away from Frank’s captivated gaze. 

“Want to feel you inside me so, so bad, Frank… you have no idea” you half murmur, half whimper as you bite your lip sharply and slip two fingers inside you, seeing Frank’s eyes zero in on the movement and increase the tempo of his fist.

“Yeah?” his voice is a hard rasp.

“Mhm… so, so bad… I love your hands… always have… even before the first time you made me come in my fucking kitchen with” you can’t help the exhilarated giggle that comes out of you at the memory.

“You nearly killed me that night” he groans in remembrance.

“Mmh, was so good… but… oh, oh” you trail off as you feel your body start trembling “… wanna feel you… feel your gorgeous hard cock inside me…” you cut off again to moan as the pressure is getting too much. “Oh Frank, Frank, I…” your eyes are half closed as you pant, the hand not between your legs circling your middle in a semblance of an embrace. 

“Yeah, yeah… let go, lemme see, fuck, please, lemme see” Frank encourages with intent, his voice so deep and rough and almost breaks as you can see his stomach muscles tightening. “Lemme see!”

You finally explode at his last words, your whole body trembling as your orgasm washes over you with incredible force. You throw your head back and cry out loudly, back bowing back as well with it. You only vaguely register Frank’s words of praise as you keep trembling from pure pleasure.

You pant brokenly as your hand falls away from between your legs and lean your head back forward to see Frank watching you with wide, enraptured eyes. His thighs quake around you, release close to the surface, so you lower yourself back down to suck the head of his cock into your mouth again, letting Frank’s hand do the rest. 

It’s the only thing you can do with your own body still quivering with small waves of pleasure but it’s enough because Frank gasps sharply and swears loudly, his hands back in your hair instantly and then you feel the hot spurts of his release on your tongue.

You keep sucking lightly until he’s fully spent and then pop off, swallowing and resting your forehead on his hip, just breathing for a few seconds while you hear Frank breathe hard over you.

Frank ends up tugging at your hair gently and saying a soft “Come here”, making you move back up his body to half sit next to him against the headboard. His arm wraps around your waist and pulls you in closer against him, then kisses your temple and just noses at your hair there for a second as he just breathes. 

“You’re amazin’” he says with devotion and you can only grin proudly, fondly.

“I got my moments” you joke lightly, throwing a cautious arm over his middle and he huffs a soft laugh against your head.

You fall silent for a long moment, just being together like that. 

Frank is the one who ends up speaking first. He sounds a bit apprehensive but determined. 

“Remember when I said I had a lot o’ time to think in hospital?”

You don’t move, thinking that maybe not having to look directly at you might keep him going. So you just hum, indicating you do remember.

"I wanna try… this… us… y’know… ‘cause I realized somethin' while I was thinkin’ ‘bout what you said… ‘bout bein’ worth it n’ all that stuff, y’know…’cause,... ‘cause I maybe think  _ I‘m _ not worth it… but you are… you’re worth it… ‘m willin’ to take the risk"

You’re speechless next to him. You hadn’t expected him to choose right now. But he had actually already made up his mind before coming here. He actually came to tell you this. 

Wordlessly, you sit up to face him and cradle his face as you rake your nails through his beard. You close in for a grateful and loving kiss, only having the time to see Frank’s love for you reflected in his eyes before you do so. The arm already around your waist tightens and the other hand lifts to your face and to your neck, holding you close.

You kiss slowly, both sharing feelings too big to transform into words right now. His kisses express his trust and promise as yours show him how thankful and relieved you are. 

When you stop, you stay in the same position.

“You’re not perfect… but you’re perfect enough for me” you whisper against his lips.

Frank grunts lightly and nods in acceptance.

You’re interrupted in this moment though as your phone starts ringing from where you left it on the coffee table last night.

You frown and look at the bedside alarm. It’s barely 8 o’clock and Sandra knows you’ll be in later.

You look at Frank who just raises his eyebrows and shrugs. 

You grumble as you get out of bed and reach for your light bathrobe and walk to the phone who stopped ringing. 

You grab it and are about to check who called, when it rings again and Karen’s name blinks up at you.

Curious to know why she’s calling you so early, you swipe to accept the call and pull it to your ear.

“Hey, Karen” you greet her with a smile in your voice.

“Please tell me Frank is with you” she starts without preamble and you can sense a tone of worry and annoyance at the same time. Your eyebrows rise in surprise.

“Uh, yes, he is... Why?”

“Thank God!” she breathes in relief but then her tone turns to frustration and exasperation. “Could you just tell that idiot that next time he pulls a stunt like that and just leaves the hospital without authorization, I’m not going to cover for his sorry ass again” then her tone changes again, becoming her usual friendly self again “I’ll leave you to it now… call me later, yeah? I wanna know what happened” and she hangs up after you agree, still stunned.

You stand there in your living room for a minute, your mind wrapping around what just transpired in that phone call.

“Frank, I can’t fucking believe you” you shout and turn towards your bedroom but Frank is already standing in the doorway, wearing his boxer shorts again and looking completely unapologetic.

“Can’t blame me for wantin' to see ya, right?” he smirks in satisfaction and leans against the door jam.

You roll your eyes exasperatedly but can’t help smiling indulgently when you walk up to him.

“Guess I can’t” you concur and wrap your arms around his neck to kiss him.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you know what... apparently I'm a liar because I said this would be the end... but I might already have a small idea in mind to let us peek into their new life together ;)


End file.
